My Kid is amazing and more fun than this mom knows what to do with...
I know lots of people probably say that but I seriously find myself daily thinking, does it get better than this?
Kadence is FULL of life, laughter, chatter, and new things daily...This week alone we realized that Kadence can spit off her ABC's, that she can make full sentences, she can count 1-11 or 12 depending on the day but 5 is always missing, and that she is probably (although I hate to admit it) ready to potty train.
Some of my favorite sayings that Kadence says are..."What you doing here?"- what she says when she wants to know what I am doing. "I hold you?"- What she says when she wants you to pick her up. "I pray?" What she says when mommy or daddy have forgotten to say grace or bedtime prayers (WHOOPS!) Today she asked for a baby sister-lop...let me get right on that! Today she also dropped her zippy cup and said "Uh Oh mommy, I drop water on the floor" and I laughed because it didn't spill because it was in a sippy cup.
Around the house she helps with daily things- She can put all three trash cans back upstairs and puts them exactly where they go. She can put her pj's away. She gets her laundry from our bedroom (where we fold clothes) and takes it to her closet. She can put her own socks on (tonight she came out of the room with socks on her hands and feet!) She can also help put dishes away- which usually looks like taking them from the bottom shelf and putting them on the top or taking out her princess plate and running it around the house.
She loves baths, paint, being outside, checking the mail, cooking in her play kitchen, and playing house. Her favorite shows are still Elmo, Frozen, and Rio although sometimes she is game for Curious George, Clifford, or Minnie Mouse (but Netflix doesn't have a real good option for this).
I could sit and watch her play, think, and work for hours...I am in awe of how she thinks, the things that make her giggle, and what she picks up...the other day we were in the bath and she started laughing and said, "Oh, geez" and I laughed even harder :)
She still loves books and can spend hours flipping through books and my favorite is now she "reads" the books back to you and that is about as heart warming as it gets.
Sorry this post is so..."I think Kditty is amazing" but I am just having one of those days where I'm in awe of my family, of my little girl, and just taking this life one day at a time...it's pretty GREAT!
I LOVE BEING A MOM!!!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Emotional mommy...
I am warning before I write that I am emotional...
I just experienced a high...a beautiful high...a mountain top experience called Christmas.
After coming off of almost three weeks of battling stress, sickness, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, sadness, anger, brokeness, and more sickness...I was in desperate need of Christmas.
Christmas break for me started last Saturday and I have done everything in my power to try and honor it. We did small things- like I decided that anytime Kadence asked to open a present (about once a day) we did it. No reason, other than it just brought me joy. They were really BIG presents like socks, toothbrushes, and pi's but none the less there was joy. Her wonder and excitement as she unwraps a gift is contagious! Kadence also got in the kick of asking to be rocked (I know full well it's to prolong bed time and I just don't care). Every time she asks, I get out the big blanket and snuggle her in the rocking chair and we rock. I get emotional (you wouldn't think this would happen EVERY time but it does) we give lots of kisses, eskimo kisses, and somewhere in there she usually points out my eyes and nose. I know for 100% that she is just prolonging sleep. I get that I am creating bad habits...all of this I know and I just don't care. I just hold her and the whole time I am holding her I am thanking God for just one more day of holding her, one more day of being her mommy, and for how long my heart ached to be in that rocking chair. It has been so good for my soul and so far she doesn't seem too scarred by it either. :)
Then there was Christmas Eve service. I was dreading it! I was excited for service but was not excited for an over stimulated, tired, two year old to "sit through" service. So, I packed an army of things to keep her occupied (including but not limited to an array of snacks, drinks, colors, books, and anything remotely quiet or fascinating). But the moment we walked into service she was in awe. The music started and she started dancing and singing along, like they were old familiar tunes. She was laughing deep belly laughs and pointing at lights, and people she recognized, and even thought the girl behind us was Elsa (she had a long side braid-lol). There I was with my family, the family I have prayed and longed for for so long...the mood was magical and intimate...and I could feel myself choking back the tears. As I watched Andy and Kadence dance to Christmas carols I kept thinking this is MY family. God did THIS for me! Then it was time for silent night- the time in the service where all the lights get turned off and one by one they light a candle until the whole congregation is in candle light. This sounds epic and very hallmark like...to everyone except to a mom of a toddler...to me it sounds like a trip to the emergency room for a mom who's hair she finally got to put hairspray in after two years...goes up in flames-LOL. But to my surprise as soon as the lights went out she was quiet and as the candles started to be lit she whispered WOW. My thoughts exactly! She watched as the candles were lit and we continued to sing. And the tears now came down my face...she was experiencing the magic of Christmas and I got to hold her close through the whole thing. I regained my composure, her ADHD kicked in as the service ended and we were back to searching the aisles feverishly for her friends.
As we got home, it was time to celebrate Christmas with my extended side of the family. We had dinner and opened up presents and every present she opened it was like she had never opened a gift before. She was grateful, she was in awe, she was excited, she was ready to explore everything it had in store.
Today, we had two Christmas' and the same thing happened...every gift- excitement. Every gift like she had never opened one before (although her unwrapping skills are getting skillfully better). And it got me thinking- at what point does Christmas loose its magic. At what point does a gift become just a gift. When does the child like excitement over holidays fade away. Kadence knows not the grief that I have experienced over the holidays. She knows not the countless holidays I cried longing for her existence. All she knows is joy. All she knows is the high pitch squeal that comes from opening a pair of Minnie Mouse socks...somehow I think this is all beautiful to Jesus. Do I think americans have blown consumerism and Jesus' birthday out the window...sure. But today, I am embracing that because of someone else's shopping Kadence is experiencing the simplest form of joy. Experiencing a baby's Christmas is something I feel my holidays have been lacking for awhile. Last year was great but this year has topped the cake because she is just so much more excited about everything and like I said before her joy is so contagious!
So tonight I sit here- reflecting on where I have come from. Reflecting on the pain, the stress, the sickness, the grief, the infertility, the mourning...everything that used to be under my emotions of Christmas and today I take in the simple joy of experiencing gift opening, Christmas, Christmas food, Santa, Christmas Eve service...all through the eyes of an almost two year old and it makes life so much sweeter, more magical, brings so much laughter, and fills my home with warmth and joy.
THIS is the kind of Christmas that my heart longed for!
Kadence is in bed, has lacked any sort of routine going on almost a week now, has another Christmas tomorrow with Andy's side of the family...but I am just taking in the moment- enjoying the trash of wrapping paper, dirt dishes, a sleeping baby, and a snoring dog...God is good and we have much to be grateful for this season. God has healed and continues to heal this broken mom's heart!
Sidenote- I am praying for Kadence a brother or sister in 2015...That means either a miracle is going to have to happen by knocking this girl up (my ovaries hate me and are stubborn as all get out), someone else is going to have to get preggo and trust me with their child, or Andy and I are going to have to actually submit paperwork to start the adoption process again...All of these things sound like daunting, overwhelming, and scary tasks or undertakings but here's to trusting that God has a plan.
Till next time...MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just experienced a high...a beautiful high...a mountain top experience called Christmas.
After coming off of almost three weeks of battling stress, sickness, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, sadness, anger, brokeness, and more sickness...I was in desperate need of Christmas.
Christmas break for me started last Saturday and I have done everything in my power to try and honor it. We did small things- like I decided that anytime Kadence asked to open a present (about once a day) we did it. No reason, other than it just brought me joy. They were really BIG presents like socks, toothbrushes, and pi's but none the less there was joy. Her wonder and excitement as she unwraps a gift is contagious! Kadence also got in the kick of asking to be rocked (I know full well it's to prolong bed time and I just don't care). Every time she asks, I get out the big blanket and snuggle her in the rocking chair and we rock. I get emotional (you wouldn't think this would happen EVERY time but it does) we give lots of kisses, eskimo kisses, and somewhere in there she usually points out my eyes and nose. I know for 100% that she is just prolonging sleep. I get that I am creating bad habits...all of this I know and I just don't care. I just hold her and the whole time I am holding her I am thanking God for just one more day of holding her, one more day of being her mommy, and for how long my heart ached to be in that rocking chair. It has been so good for my soul and so far she doesn't seem too scarred by it either. :)
Then there was Christmas Eve service. I was dreading it! I was excited for service but was not excited for an over stimulated, tired, two year old to "sit through" service. So, I packed an army of things to keep her occupied (including but not limited to an array of snacks, drinks, colors, books, and anything remotely quiet or fascinating). But the moment we walked into service she was in awe. The music started and she started dancing and singing along, like they were old familiar tunes. She was laughing deep belly laughs and pointing at lights, and people she recognized, and even thought the girl behind us was Elsa (she had a long side braid-lol). There I was with my family, the family I have prayed and longed for for so long...the mood was magical and intimate...and I could feel myself choking back the tears. As I watched Andy and Kadence dance to Christmas carols I kept thinking this is MY family. God did THIS for me! Then it was time for silent night- the time in the service where all the lights get turned off and one by one they light a candle until the whole congregation is in candle light. This sounds epic and very hallmark like...to everyone except to a mom of a toddler...to me it sounds like a trip to the emergency room for a mom who's hair she finally got to put hairspray in after two years...goes up in flames-LOL. But to my surprise as soon as the lights went out she was quiet and as the candles started to be lit she whispered WOW. My thoughts exactly! She watched as the candles were lit and we continued to sing. And the tears now came down my face...she was experiencing the magic of Christmas and I got to hold her close through the whole thing. I regained my composure, her ADHD kicked in as the service ended and we were back to searching the aisles feverishly for her friends.
As we got home, it was time to celebrate Christmas with my extended side of the family. We had dinner and opened up presents and every present she opened it was like she had never opened a gift before. She was grateful, she was in awe, she was excited, she was ready to explore everything it had in store.
Today, we had two Christmas' and the same thing happened...every gift- excitement. Every gift like she had never opened one before (although her unwrapping skills are getting skillfully better). And it got me thinking- at what point does Christmas loose its magic. At what point does a gift become just a gift. When does the child like excitement over holidays fade away. Kadence knows not the grief that I have experienced over the holidays. She knows not the countless holidays I cried longing for her existence. All she knows is joy. All she knows is the high pitch squeal that comes from opening a pair of Minnie Mouse socks...somehow I think this is all beautiful to Jesus. Do I think americans have blown consumerism and Jesus' birthday out the window...sure. But today, I am embracing that because of someone else's shopping Kadence is experiencing the simplest form of joy. Experiencing a baby's Christmas is something I feel my holidays have been lacking for awhile. Last year was great but this year has topped the cake because she is just so much more excited about everything and like I said before her joy is so contagious!
So tonight I sit here- reflecting on where I have come from. Reflecting on the pain, the stress, the sickness, the grief, the infertility, the mourning...everything that used to be under my emotions of Christmas and today I take in the simple joy of experiencing gift opening, Christmas, Christmas food, Santa, Christmas Eve service...all through the eyes of an almost two year old and it makes life so much sweeter, more magical, brings so much laughter, and fills my home with warmth and joy.
THIS is the kind of Christmas that my heart longed for!
Kadence is in bed, has lacked any sort of routine going on almost a week now, has another Christmas tomorrow with Andy's side of the family...but I am just taking in the moment- enjoying the trash of wrapping paper, dirt dishes, a sleeping baby, and a snoring dog...God is good and we have much to be grateful for this season. God has healed and continues to heal this broken mom's heart!
Sidenote- I am praying for Kadence a brother or sister in 2015...That means either a miracle is going to have to happen by knocking this girl up (my ovaries hate me and are stubborn as all get out), someone else is going to have to get preggo and trust me with their child, or Andy and I are going to have to actually submit paperwork to start the adoption process again...All of these things sound like daunting, overwhelming, and scary tasks or undertakings but here's to trusting that God has a plan.
Till next time...MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sunday, December 7, 2014
The Art of Advent and Mommy Guilt...
My reality this past week has been a fair balance between mommy guilt and advent. I blame myself partly for doing such a great job over thanksgiving break of resting, being an attentive parent, and just being that I felt like I was more ready than ever to bring in the advent season. The tree was up, to do lists made, fun activities planned, time with friends scheduled, time with just the husband scheduled, work hours planned, babysitters planned...if there was ever a mom ready for Advent and the ability to still have enough "unplanned" time to embrace the season I was the candidate. No really if you wanted to give me an award for mom most ready to embrace this season...it was me...I even have my very own holiday notebook (you can make fun of me if you wish)...but monday with no warning at all brought this week to all of it's craziness. Things that I told andy would take 30 minutes found themselves take 3 hours. Promises I had made myself over the solitude of Thanksgiving break and the promises I had made to my family breaking...day by day, break after break...By tuesday all wheels had fallen off the bus as the Jeep decided to just give up. (Mind you the other car was already sitting in the shop- going on 3 weeks now) so we were officially a ZERO car family. Wednesday my life was a nightmare in trying to navigate the healthcare system for the uninsured. What we thought would be a simple one hour doctors appointment starting at the beginning of the day ended up lasting till 3am. By Thursday by body was rebelling what I knew far to well as the beginning of sickness was starting to take over. Surely not, not this week...I pushed through and by the time Friday rolled around I couldn't get out of bed. Like literally it was painful to sit up. So pretty much Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have consisted of trying to sleep, not breathe on others, and try to manage just being alive, and parenting the bare minimum- sure we can watch frozen just one more time- sure we can sit under the heated blanket- whoops did mommy fall asleep again. So this awesome week, the beginning of this AMAZING season that I was so ready to embrace...just like that is complete...I saw my husband maybe a total of 3-6 hours this week, my kid more but mainly at meal time and bath time, and "sitting" times aka TV. There have been very few quiet nights by the tree. There have been very few fun memories made. The overwhelming feeling I was feeling was guilt. How do I do this? How can be doing so many good things in one week also bring such an ugly feeling? How come I feel like I have neglected my family, my child, and my solitude with Jesus for the mundane of just going. I am not proud of the mom I have been this week, I am not proud of my parenting, our routines, meals, cleanliness, etc...there are some other things I am really not proud of this week either but that's about as vulnerable as this nyquil is letting me get tonight.
I still feel like I'm dying but word on the street is this bug takes awhile to work its course and being in a non-profit at december and being a mom of a toddler does not equal infinity sick days...it looks like popping some medication, packing the kleenex, and pulling up the bootstraps to make it work.
This morning the hardest thing for me to do was to get out of bed to go to church. I wanted to go to church so bad because I love my church at Advent. I knew after the week I had been having I NEEDED to go to church. By the time I got to church I was sweating, was thinking not nice thoughts about my rebelling two year old, and just wanted a shot of whiskey or maybe a few more nyquil to numb the pain. I remember sitting down in the chair and being like I made it and feeling like that in itself what a HUGE accomplishment. I'm not sure if I was going to church just so that I could sit and be quiet with excellent music but whatever the motivation that got me out of the door and to fight all the minuscule battles that I fought this morning (battles that when you are not sick are not even battles-lol) but I got there.
I was so grateful for Garrett's message this morning and now after a whole day and a somewhat foggy memory all I remember walking away with was when we are at are lowest God is at the top of His game. So here I sit with husband and child both asleep, sitting by the tree, sipping hot cocoa (I'm not really but it sounds good but I'm just to lazy to go and make it), and by almost box of kleenex, with an olaf at my feet and I breathe in and out...When I am at the bottom of my game God is at the top of His.
So I went grocery shopping today, stepping out in faith that I will have the energy to feed my family. I reached out and asked for helped today hoping to balance my schedule a little better this week. I know that in my work life I have two HUGE weeks left until we can rest as a non-profit. I also know that if I am not centered and focused on Jesus me as a "boss", me as a mom, and me as a wife are not a pretty thing. If I have have learned one thing about myself through everything in my life up to this point is that that Kylie without time for Jesus is of no use to anyone.
So tonight I am grateful for the peace that God's got this. Grateful that tomorrow is a new week, and really grateful for all intended purposes that Kadence will probably not remember this past week in the grand scheme of life ;) Also grateful for a God who can love and minister to this mommy's soul even when the mommy guilt comes and I question am I enough? Am I a good mom? Did I F' up so bad this week that God's like if you can't do this- what makes you think you can handle more kids?
What I love about God is that he takes all my irrational fears, all of my inability to love and schedule and parent and be a wife and be selfless and He loves me anyway. He hugs me anyway. He has trusted me with a beautiful baby girl and a gorgeous husband, and a cuddly puppy (Jada didn't want to be left out), he has trusted me with friends, family, and a beautiful job, and teens that I love and adore. He has given me much to care for and so I take what He has given me and return it to His feet because without Him I am a heaping mess (today I would be just a heaping mess of nyquil and kleenex).
So normally when I blog I go back and re-read what I read to make sure it says what I mean but tonight I just don't have it in me- so not only do you have the normal spelling errors and grammatical nightmare that my blogs usually are...you also have what I am calling "Kylie's NyQuil Thoughts".
Here's to tomorrow being a new day!
I still feel like I'm dying but word on the street is this bug takes awhile to work its course and being in a non-profit at december and being a mom of a toddler does not equal infinity sick days...it looks like popping some medication, packing the kleenex, and pulling up the bootstraps to make it work.
This morning the hardest thing for me to do was to get out of bed to go to church. I wanted to go to church so bad because I love my church at Advent. I knew after the week I had been having I NEEDED to go to church. By the time I got to church I was sweating, was thinking not nice thoughts about my rebelling two year old, and just wanted a shot of whiskey or maybe a few more nyquil to numb the pain. I remember sitting down in the chair and being like I made it and feeling like that in itself what a HUGE accomplishment. I'm not sure if I was going to church just so that I could sit and be quiet with excellent music but whatever the motivation that got me out of the door and to fight all the minuscule battles that I fought this morning (battles that when you are not sick are not even battles-lol) but I got there.
I was so grateful for Garrett's message this morning and now after a whole day and a somewhat foggy memory all I remember walking away with was when we are at are lowest God is at the top of His game. So here I sit with husband and child both asleep, sitting by the tree, sipping hot cocoa (I'm not really but it sounds good but I'm just to lazy to go and make it), and by almost box of kleenex, with an olaf at my feet and I breathe in and out...When I am at the bottom of my game God is at the top of His.
So I went grocery shopping today, stepping out in faith that I will have the energy to feed my family. I reached out and asked for helped today hoping to balance my schedule a little better this week. I know that in my work life I have two HUGE weeks left until we can rest as a non-profit. I also know that if I am not centered and focused on Jesus me as a "boss", me as a mom, and me as a wife are not a pretty thing. If I have have learned one thing about myself through everything in my life up to this point is that that Kylie without time for Jesus is of no use to anyone.
So tonight I am grateful for the peace that God's got this. Grateful that tomorrow is a new week, and really grateful for all intended purposes that Kadence will probably not remember this past week in the grand scheme of life ;) Also grateful for a God who can love and minister to this mommy's soul even when the mommy guilt comes and I question am I enough? Am I a good mom? Did I F' up so bad this week that God's like if you can't do this- what makes you think you can handle more kids?
What I love about God is that he takes all my irrational fears, all of my inability to love and schedule and parent and be a wife and be selfless and He loves me anyway. He hugs me anyway. He has trusted me with a beautiful baby girl and a gorgeous husband, and a cuddly puppy (Jada didn't want to be left out), he has trusted me with friends, family, and a beautiful job, and teens that I love and adore. He has given me much to care for and so I take what He has given me and return it to His feet because without Him I am a heaping mess (today I would be just a heaping mess of nyquil and kleenex).
So normally when I blog I go back and re-read what I read to make sure it says what I mean but tonight I just don't have it in me- so not only do you have the normal spelling errors and grammatical nightmare that my blogs usually are...you also have what I am calling "Kylie's NyQuil Thoughts".
Here's to tomorrow being a new day!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
My four letter word...
Am I allowed to have a four letter word? Am I allowed to have a word that pisses me off and makes me want to throw a temper tantrum? Well allowed or not, my curse word is "infertility". If you are walking my journey with me than you probably know that there are few words that make me want to punch something more than that word. I hate it, and I hate it more when it is used to describe me.
Recently Andy and I have been dabbling more seriously into the discussion of adding siblings to our family since clearly we rock at being parents (lol). But unfortunately for us it is not as easy as making the choice or having the discussion, I wish it was. For us it means having to decide private, agency, domestic, international, dfs system, etc, etc it's exhausting just thinking about the gazilion decisions. My heart is faint at remembering the journey. I remember the excitement, I remember the fear all to well, I remember the uncertainty and I remember the desperation in my prayers. Part of me wonders if my heart can go through the journey again and part of me knows that our family isn't complete yet.
The journey of infertility and the further path of adoption is really a journey that causes me to lean in to Jesus with everything I have and stay there for protection. I stay there for protection knowing that there will be hard days or weeks where my bitterness about how "easy" it is for others to make a family will consume my heart. It is there that Jesus will take my wounds and gently love me back to healing. There will be days, weeks, months, and even years that Andy and I might sit here yearning for more children and it will be just that- a yearning. There will be countless baby showers, baby birthdays, and Facebook baby announcements before we will ever have our own again. There will be days when my judgmental and hurt side will get the best of me about how some families are made and Jesus will love me even through that ugliness that I would rather hide. I really am a hot mess over this topic and very grateful that Jesus welcomes me into his loving arms as a heaping pile of rubbish that is broken. But I rest in Him for protection, wisdom, and guidance on this journey.
Then to the well meaning people in my life that says some of these hurtful things- 1. Isn't K-ditty enough? Yes, we love Kditty with all of our heart and soul and she is the best part of every one of my days...but when you decided to add more children to your family was it because your first wasn't enough? I doubt it! Just because we make families via adoption doesn't mean that when we are adding to our family it's because one of our children wasn't enough. We are grateful for the journey we have had with Kadence, her birth family, how God answered so many amazing prayers in her and we long for our other children to find us in just the same way...God writing their story and answering our prayers. We are believing that He is not done building our family 2. Isn't Pro Deo enough? That's like telling a car sales man he doesn't need a car because he works around cars and can be with them whenever he wants. I know I am comparing cars to children but it sounds just as crazy. Pro Deo is a beautiful thing, I love the teens that have walked through my life and continue to be on my path with that journey but they don't take the place of raising a family. My child's life is enriched so much by being around them but it's just not the same.
So here I sit- knowing a few things: 1. I know that I love being a mom 2. I know that Andy loves being a dad 3. I know that Kadence loves being our baby girl 4. I know that God has not abandoned us in this journey 5. I know that the wait could be great and that there may never be another child at the end of this wait 6. I know that God has not abandoned us in this journey. 7. I know that we will pray and open our hearts and tell God we are "ready" and see what happens. 8. I know that this is just one of the many days I will have "hard days" coming to terms with the fact that in our life it is hard work making a family 9. I also know that my vulnerability before Jesus and taking to him all of my ugliness, fear, and hurt is beautiful to Him.
I don't have all the answers and the more I lean into Jesus the more I learn that Infertility isn't so much my four letter word as much as it is just a part of my story and my journey, something He is making beautiful in his own timing.
So to our future babies know that mommy and daddy are praying for you and longing for you even today. Knowing full well that 2 years ago this week we still didn't even know about Miss K. Praying tonight for our future birth moms, families, and everything that goes in the journey of building families through adoption.
So tonight I am listening to this song and grateful for the mom that I am and longing for the rest of our family wherever they may be or how they will come to us: Mom
Recently Andy and I have been dabbling more seriously into the discussion of adding siblings to our family since clearly we rock at being parents (lol). But unfortunately for us it is not as easy as making the choice or having the discussion, I wish it was. For us it means having to decide private, agency, domestic, international, dfs system, etc, etc it's exhausting just thinking about the gazilion decisions. My heart is faint at remembering the journey. I remember the excitement, I remember the fear all to well, I remember the uncertainty and I remember the desperation in my prayers. Part of me wonders if my heart can go through the journey again and part of me knows that our family isn't complete yet.
The journey of infertility and the further path of adoption is really a journey that causes me to lean in to Jesus with everything I have and stay there for protection. I stay there for protection knowing that there will be hard days or weeks where my bitterness about how "easy" it is for others to make a family will consume my heart. It is there that Jesus will take my wounds and gently love me back to healing. There will be days, weeks, months, and even years that Andy and I might sit here yearning for more children and it will be just that- a yearning. There will be countless baby showers, baby birthdays, and Facebook baby announcements before we will ever have our own again. There will be days when my judgmental and hurt side will get the best of me about how some families are made and Jesus will love me even through that ugliness that I would rather hide. I really am a hot mess over this topic and very grateful that Jesus welcomes me into his loving arms as a heaping pile of rubbish that is broken. But I rest in Him for protection, wisdom, and guidance on this journey.
Then to the well meaning people in my life that says some of these hurtful things- 1. Isn't K-ditty enough? Yes, we love Kditty with all of our heart and soul and she is the best part of every one of my days...but when you decided to add more children to your family was it because your first wasn't enough? I doubt it! Just because we make families via adoption doesn't mean that when we are adding to our family it's because one of our children wasn't enough. We are grateful for the journey we have had with Kadence, her birth family, how God answered so many amazing prayers in her and we long for our other children to find us in just the same way...God writing their story and answering our prayers. We are believing that He is not done building our family 2. Isn't Pro Deo enough? That's like telling a car sales man he doesn't need a car because he works around cars and can be with them whenever he wants. I know I am comparing cars to children but it sounds just as crazy. Pro Deo is a beautiful thing, I love the teens that have walked through my life and continue to be on my path with that journey but they don't take the place of raising a family. My child's life is enriched so much by being around them but it's just not the same.
So here I sit- knowing a few things: 1. I know that I love being a mom 2. I know that Andy loves being a dad 3. I know that Kadence loves being our baby girl 4. I know that God has not abandoned us in this journey 5. I know that the wait could be great and that there may never be another child at the end of this wait 6. I know that God has not abandoned us in this journey. 7. I know that we will pray and open our hearts and tell God we are "ready" and see what happens. 8. I know that this is just one of the many days I will have "hard days" coming to terms with the fact that in our life it is hard work making a family 9. I also know that my vulnerability before Jesus and taking to him all of my ugliness, fear, and hurt is beautiful to Him.
I don't have all the answers and the more I lean into Jesus the more I learn that Infertility isn't so much my four letter word as much as it is just a part of my story and my journey, something He is making beautiful in his own timing.
So to our future babies know that mommy and daddy are praying for you and longing for you even today. Knowing full well that 2 years ago this week we still didn't even know about Miss K. Praying tonight for our future birth moms, families, and everything that goes in the journey of building families through adoption.
So tonight I am listening to this song and grateful for the mom that I am and longing for the rest of our family wherever they may be or how they will come to us: Mom
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Sunday is Funday...
I will worn you this is another practical post:
Andy and I always say that Sunday is Funday...for him ironically Sundays tend to be a busy time for his line of work and therefore he usually enjoys Sundays. I on the other hand usually dread Sundays after he has worked all weekend. By Sunday I am exhausted, tired of fighting random battles like not letting Miss K eat dog food, why I won't let her suck on bobby pins or whatever other ways I have rocked her world, and dreading the week to come. Insert church which falls right smack in the middle of no good time as far as a schedule goes. Add in that I must prepare for work for the week as Mondays are staff meetings. All in all, Sundays are uncomfortable...sometimes stressful...and rarely Sabbath feeling. In my desperate attempt to change perspective, be intentional, and live proactive instead of reactive I have changed some things.
I found 2 blogs off of pinterest (imagine that) that rocked my world. The first one was called living well spending less and she has a whole section devoted to Sunday Prep. I was mesmerized that she spent 3 hours and was completely ready for the week. The second site was called organize 365 and she had an organizing system called "Sunday Basket". Those two sites motivated me to take back control of my hectic Sundays and be able to breathe come Monday morning. I share this incase there are other working moms that dread their Sundays, their weeks, or any day in between.
First I made a list of all the things I needed to do on Sunday to be prepared for the week or things that I wished I would do prior to the week starting so that my whole week would go smoother:
Refill Diaper Bag
Clean Out Cars
Meal Plan
Prep Meals
Tend to schedule
Prepare for Staff Meeting
Refill Snacks
House Clean
Fill cars with Gas
Laundry
Get to do lists done for volunteers/staff
Prepare for tot school
I then printed all of the Sunday Prep printables, my menus and recipies (I never stick to her menus- and my lunches aren't PBJ either- so some tweaking had to take place but it was a good place to start).
With everything in a plan that makes sense and following the gist of her time outline, I am ready to crank things out. Anything that I stumble upon that needs some attention or I start thinking about I add it to my "basket" or jot it down and add the note to the basket. When my 3 hours are over (or Kadence's nap is over)- I stop where I am at. Today when she got up she wanted to cook- she woke up saying "Kadence cook?" so we made blueberry muffins which was on the list and yet really easy for a toddler to help with.
The rest of my Sunday is family time- coloring, reading books, playing, whatever the day might bring. Then after our bedtime routine and Miss K is asleep (this happens at 8 in our home) I get my basket out. First I look at my calendar and make sure it matches our kitchen calendar (the only thing Andy will look at). Then I start cranking through papers- sorting, throwing things away, etc. I make sure all my tot school stuff is ready, that my staff meeting agenda is done, my to do list for the week is started and by 9pm I am fully prepared for the week.
Since adapting the "Sunday Prep" method and the "Sunday Basket" method I have cranked through my to do lists, been way more efficient, and Miss K willing I can get all of Sunday Prep cranked out during her nap time. My Sunday Prep takes care of enough meals that I should only have to do my long planning every other weekend (which works with Andy's schedule) and then weeks that he is home I just need to plan for staff meeting. Which all in all these methods have increased my productivity, allowed me to plan healthy meals for our family, increased the amount of intentional time I am with my family, and allows the rest of the weeks morning/evening routine to not be as crazy.
So it seems a bit odd to spend the sabbath working...but it doesn't feel like work. I crank up the worship music and weirdly having a game plan allows me more time the rest of the week to spend time with Him and rest. But even on my big plan day- by 9pm I have the house picked up (not spotless), the candle lit(one of my favorite things), worship music playing, and my week prepped for, and there is a peace...a peace where you can breathe...and do whatever brings you joy- tonight for me that's blogging and getting a good nights sleep.
I love grooves...I love finding one...
For now this groove is working for us, my family, our work schedule, and our demands...That's not bad for almost two years of chaotic weeks...I am a slow learner what can I say. But for now I will take this peace...
Night Y'all
Andy and I always say that Sunday is Funday...for him ironically Sundays tend to be a busy time for his line of work and therefore he usually enjoys Sundays. I on the other hand usually dread Sundays after he has worked all weekend. By Sunday I am exhausted, tired of fighting random battles like not letting Miss K eat dog food, why I won't let her suck on bobby pins or whatever other ways I have rocked her world, and dreading the week to come. Insert church which falls right smack in the middle of no good time as far as a schedule goes. Add in that I must prepare for work for the week as Mondays are staff meetings. All in all, Sundays are uncomfortable...sometimes stressful...and rarely Sabbath feeling. In my desperate attempt to change perspective, be intentional, and live proactive instead of reactive I have changed some things.
I found 2 blogs off of pinterest (imagine that) that rocked my world. The first one was called living well spending less and she has a whole section devoted to Sunday Prep. I was mesmerized that she spent 3 hours and was completely ready for the week. The second site was called organize 365 and she had an organizing system called "Sunday Basket". Those two sites motivated me to take back control of my hectic Sundays and be able to breathe come Monday morning. I share this incase there are other working moms that dread their Sundays, their weeks, or any day in between.
First I made a list of all the things I needed to do on Sunday to be prepared for the week or things that I wished I would do prior to the week starting so that my whole week would go smoother:
Refill Diaper Bag
Clean Out Cars
Meal Plan
Prep Meals
Tend to schedule
Prepare for Staff Meeting
Refill Snacks
House Clean
Fill cars with Gas
Laundry
Get to do lists done for volunteers/staff
Prepare for tot school
I then printed all of the Sunday Prep printables, my menus and recipies (I never stick to her menus- and my lunches aren't PBJ either- so some tweaking had to take place but it was a good place to start).
With everything in a plan that makes sense and following the gist of her time outline, I am ready to crank things out. Anything that I stumble upon that needs some attention or I start thinking about I add it to my "basket" or jot it down and add the note to the basket. When my 3 hours are over (or Kadence's nap is over)- I stop where I am at. Today when she got up she wanted to cook- she woke up saying "Kadence cook?" so we made blueberry muffins which was on the list and yet really easy for a toddler to help with.
The rest of my Sunday is family time- coloring, reading books, playing, whatever the day might bring. Then after our bedtime routine and Miss K is asleep (this happens at 8 in our home) I get my basket out. First I look at my calendar and make sure it matches our kitchen calendar (the only thing Andy will look at). Then I start cranking through papers- sorting, throwing things away, etc. I make sure all my tot school stuff is ready, that my staff meeting agenda is done, my to do list for the week is started and by 9pm I am fully prepared for the week.
Since adapting the "Sunday Prep" method and the "Sunday Basket" method I have cranked through my to do lists, been way more efficient, and Miss K willing I can get all of Sunday Prep cranked out during her nap time. My Sunday Prep takes care of enough meals that I should only have to do my long planning every other weekend (which works with Andy's schedule) and then weeks that he is home I just need to plan for staff meeting. Which all in all these methods have increased my productivity, allowed me to plan healthy meals for our family, increased the amount of intentional time I am with my family, and allows the rest of the weeks morning/evening routine to not be as crazy.
So it seems a bit odd to spend the sabbath working...but it doesn't feel like work. I crank up the worship music and weirdly having a game plan allows me more time the rest of the week to spend time with Him and rest. But even on my big plan day- by 9pm I have the house picked up (not spotless), the candle lit(one of my favorite things), worship music playing, and my week prepped for, and there is a peace...a peace where you can breathe...and do whatever brings you joy- tonight for me that's blogging and getting a good nights sleep.
I love grooves...I love finding one...
For now this groove is working for us, my family, our work schedule, and our demands...That's not bad for almost two years of chaotic weeks...I am a slow learner what can I say. But for now I will take this peace...
Night Y'all
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Kylie's world of tot school...
There is a buzz word on pinterest called tot school. And although I have a tot and although we do activities together...we are not following the "craze" of tot school. I have been asked recently to outline specifically what I do/how I do it and most pertaining to the Advent we did last year with Miss K. So I'm breaking from lunch (a bowl of cereal) and taking some time to blog. Something that Lord willing can happen more often, soon.
So my degree is in early childhood. My excitement comes from finger paint. I love preschool themes. I love the words fine motor and gross motor. I don't do well with unstructured time (although I know there is a time and a place for this).
So before we even had Miss K, I desired to do "tot school". There is an excellent website called 1+1+1=1 and growing a jeweled rose. These to sites I could spend HOURS on and unashamed I probably have over the years. So then God invented Pinterest! So every time I got into a preschool kick I would pin things. Say what you want about pinterest but I LOVE it. I love that my brain can numb out and I can just look at shiny things or pretty pictures and it virtually takes zero effort. So here's my steps on creating our "tot school year". I will tell you in advance that this is way more for my benefit than Miss K's. I have no doubt that her childhood would be just as blissful if we did not do a single one of these activities. She just likes to paint- she could care less if we are painting apples, pumpkins, or bubbles of paint. She likes to take a bath- she could care less if the water is green, blue, has bubbles, or has butterflies in it. Do you see a theme here? I do it because it is enjoyable to me, almost therapeutic. I know when she gets older it will have more of an effect on her. I hope that through what we do she is learning colors, numbers, letters, and shapes but developmentally I think she would catch on to that in our day to day life. So this post is not to create shame if you do none of this. It is also not to brag about how awesome I am- I just admitted that I do all of this for myself- that is incredibly selfish! LOL!
But here goes the process:
1. I created a long list of themes. Some of these came from my preschool classroom days. Some I just think are fun. Some are seasonal. There are things on the list like: bears, trees, adoption, kwanza, advent, rainbows, ocean, bats, pumpkins, dinosaurs, etc. I then broke them apart by age and season. This way every year we are not doing pumpkins but at the same time we are not learning about pumpkins in june. So I, like a nerd, have the next four years of themes planned out- so did not want to admit this!
2. Once the list of themes is complete I look at the list for just this year and decide what I like and what I don't and where it would fit on the calendar. I live a very busy life. I have a family. I run a non-profit. My child is 19months. We do not cram a theme into a week. Some themes are two weeks- some a month. So we just finished apples which took us all of september. July we did blue and August we did Dinosaurs. We will now to pumpkins for two weeks, and then monsters for two weeks, and then Fall (leaves, and anything else I want to do-lop) and then thanksgiving, and then Advent.
3. One that list/calendar is complete I turn to pinterest and the internet. I am specific in my searches- gross motor pumpkin, messy play apples, etc. I just pin till I am bored or it's time to go to bed, or something else comes up.
4. I then get on the library's website and start reserving books for the next theme or next couple of themes depending on time of year and how high of demand the books will be in.
5. Then I start filling out my table that I have. I am looking for 5 things in each of these areas (not that we will do all of them) but it gives me things to choose from. The areas that I am looking to fill are: Family Time (fun things to do on daddy's day off), baking time (food/fun snack things), Arts/crafts, literacy (books, letter recognition,etc), Science, math (numbers, shapes, colors), character education, fine motor, gross motor. mommy/daughter dates (fun things to do when daddy is at work). Once it is filled that's all I do before hand.
6. The week before when I meal plan, do schedules, prep for staff meetings, I also prep for where our free time will be in the week and what we want to do. I make sure I have the stuff on hand that I need (which I normally do) and I fill daddy in on any day trips we will be doing that week. (This is all loose- if some thing comes up and these activities don't get done it's no big deal. But having all the pre thought helps me when there is a lull and there is still two hours left till bedtime we can pull out paint and make apple prints and I didn't have to come up with anything on the spot.
Now advent follows all of this- but here are my other rambling about advent:
1. Does Miss K know what advent is? Probably not- but she does know that it is special.
2. Our church celebrates advent every year and so "doing advent" is kind of in the culture of our church and the people we surround ourselves with. They gear their activities to the slightly older crowd but I try to take things and make the whole season fun.
3. On Sunday night (this is when they do it at church- daddy has a rotating shift- so we do it sometimes on Tuesday,Thursday, Saturday, or a Sunday. They suggest setting the mood and making it special. For us we lit the advent candle and turned on our christmas lights. We turned on some christmas music. We would eat dinner together. Then after dinner we would do our bedtime routine (bath, pi's) and then when it was time for the book part of the night we would read age appropriate christmas story books. There are so many great christmas story books. Pick one that you like. Last year we loved Christmas in the Manger. This year we might try Truth in the Tinsel or readings out of the Jesus story book. Not sure yet. Then after book time we would have a night time snack. Something special that we would only do on that night of the week.
4. Our advent "calendar" looks different every year- mainly because I enjoy making them. But ours are always created in a way that there are 24 days in our countdown and fun activities or things to do but there are no dates on them- so we can move things around as needed. And- a big secret is that I use things we are already doing or are already on the calendar and just write them down and stuff them in the calendar and it makes it super fun. Example: we decorate cookies every year. In the advent calendar we will put cookie decorating party. Instantly more fun and absolutely no more planning :) This year there is a spend the day in your Pj's- I will make that one "appear" on a day when it is cold and I don't want to go outside all day. Super fun- PJ day but to me it's just a day we didn't get dressed-lol. I tell you all of my secrets to tell you that it's all about being intentional and making the ordinary special and WAY LESS about being a super cool mom. I also block off all the days that Daddy has off (his second day off is when he is much more rested) and those are the dates that I start searching community calendars for fun things to do and adding that to our "advent calendar". This year we have two category of things: each day we will have something special- go to live nativity, eat at winsteads and look at the lights, etc. But we also have christmas activities to do during our normal "tot school" time. So we have cotton ball painting (we will use red and green paint), we will make snow men, we will watch frozen, we will make puppets, we will get messy...but all in all we will just enjoy our time together :) So I normally plan our advent activities just a week in advance. I do, however, have a list that is super long of just ideas...I'll trim the list as it gets closer but for now it's just a hobby and something fun to thing about (another way I am odd). This year I think the calendar is going to be a bunch of stars hanging on a branch (thanks pinterest) it will match our christmas decor (a plus) and I can put them all in the order I want them to appear.
So I think that is everything- then as we do things- things that I love I jot down to do again. Things that I hate (or causes a melt down) we take funny pictures of and put that in the making memories department and don't need to do again (at least not for a few years ;))
Now I will also tell you that Andy and I don't buy Miss K christmas presents so anything we do for advent is her christmas. If we get her anything this year it will be things that we can continue to use in her "tot school times" or life skills things for her (like a step stool, or a potty chair, etc- I know exciting). We just want to spend Christmas as a family, making memories, and spending as much time as possible being together and not getting caught up in the santa chaos and hopefully spend what used to be an incredibly painful holiday for me a joyful one of memories being made and enjoying the anticipation that was in the first Christmas.
So, I hope that helps-and lets you in to my oddly wired brain :)
So my degree is in early childhood. My excitement comes from finger paint. I love preschool themes. I love the words fine motor and gross motor. I don't do well with unstructured time (although I know there is a time and a place for this).
So before we even had Miss K, I desired to do "tot school". There is an excellent website called 1+1+1=1 and growing a jeweled rose. These to sites I could spend HOURS on and unashamed I probably have over the years. So then God invented Pinterest! So every time I got into a preschool kick I would pin things. Say what you want about pinterest but I LOVE it. I love that my brain can numb out and I can just look at shiny things or pretty pictures and it virtually takes zero effort. So here's my steps on creating our "tot school year". I will tell you in advance that this is way more for my benefit than Miss K's. I have no doubt that her childhood would be just as blissful if we did not do a single one of these activities. She just likes to paint- she could care less if we are painting apples, pumpkins, or bubbles of paint. She likes to take a bath- she could care less if the water is green, blue, has bubbles, or has butterflies in it. Do you see a theme here? I do it because it is enjoyable to me, almost therapeutic. I know when she gets older it will have more of an effect on her. I hope that through what we do she is learning colors, numbers, letters, and shapes but developmentally I think she would catch on to that in our day to day life. So this post is not to create shame if you do none of this. It is also not to brag about how awesome I am- I just admitted that I do all of this for myself- that is incredibly selfish! LOL!
But here goes the process:
1. I created a long list of themes. Some of these came from my preschool classroom days. Some I just think are fun. Some are seasonal. There are things on the list like: bears, trees, adoption, kwanza, advent, rainbows, ocean, bats, pumpkins, dinosaurs, etc. I then broke them apart by age and season. This way every year we are not doing pumpkins but at the same time we are not learning about pumpkins in june. So I, like a nerd, have the next four years of themes planned out- so did not want to admit this!
2. Once the list of themes is complete I look at the list for just this year and decide what I like and what I don't and where it would fit on the calendar. I live a very busy life. I have a family. I run a non-profit. My child is 19months. We do not cram a theme into a week. Some themes are two weeks- some a month. So we just finished apples which took us all of september. July we did blue and August we did Dinosaurs. We will now to pumpkins for two weeks, and then monsters for two weeks, and then Fall (leaves, and anything else I want to do-lop) and then thanksgiving, and then Advent.
3. One that list/calendar is complete I turn to pinterest and the internet. I am specific in my searches- gross motor pumpkin, messy play apples, etc. I just pin till I am bored or it's time to go to bed, or something else comes up.
4. I then get on the library's website and start reserving books for the next theme or next couple of themes depending on time of year and how high of demand the books will be in.
5. Then I start filling out my table that I have. I am looking for 5 things in each of these areas (not that we will do all of them) but it gives me things to choose from. The areas that I am looking to fill are: Family Time (fun things to do on daddy's day off), baking time (food/fun snack things), Arts/crafts, literacy (books, letter recognition,etc), Science, math (numbers, shapes, colors), character education, fine motor, gross motor. mommy/daughter dates (fun things to do when daddy is at work). Once it is filled that's all I do before hand.
6. The week before when I meal plan, do schedules, prep for staff meetings, I also prep for where our free time will be in the week and what we want to do. I make sure I have the stuff on hand that I need (which I normally do) and I fill daddy in on any day trips we will be doing that week. (This is all loose- if some thing comes up and these activities don't get done it's no big deal. But having all the pre thought helps me when there is a lull and there is still two hours left till bedtime we can pull out paint and make apple prints and I didn't have to come up with anything on the spot.
Now advent follows all of this- but here are my other rambling about advent:
1. Does Miss K know what advent is? Probably not- but she does know that it is special.
2. Our church celebrates advent every year and so "doing advent" is kind of in the culture of our church and the people we surround ourselves with. They gear their activities to the slightly older crowd but I try to take things and make the whole season fun.
3. On Sunday night (this is when they do it at church- daddy has a rotating shift- so we do it sometimes on Tuesday,Thursday, Saturday, or a Sunday. They suggest setting the mood and making it special. For us we lit the advent candle and turned on our christmas lights. We turned on some christmas music. We would eat dinner together. Then after dinner we would do our bedtime routine (bath, pi's) and then when it was time for the book part of the night we would read age appropriate christmas story books. There are so many great christmas story books. Pick one that you like. Last year we loved Christmas in the Manger. This year we might try Truth in the Tinsel or readings out of the Jesus story book. Not sure yet. Then after book time we would have a night time snack. Something special that we would only do on that night of the week.
4. Our advent "calendar" looks different every year- mainly because I enjoy making them. But ours are always created in a way that there are 24 days in our countdown and fun activities or things to do but there are no dates on them- so we can move things around as needed. And- a big secret is that I use things we are already doing or are already on the calendar and just write them down and stuff them in the calendar and it makes it super fun. Example: we decorate cookies every year. In the advent calendar we will put cookie decorating party. Instantly more fun and absolutely no more planning :) This year there is a spend the day in your Pj's- I will make that one "appear" on a day when it is cold and I don't want to go outside all day. Super fun- PJ day but to me it's just a day we didn't get dressed-lol. I tell you all of my secrets to tell you that it's all about being intentional and making the ordinary special and WAY LESS about being a super cool mom. I also block off all the days that Daddy has off (his second day off is when he is much more rested) and those are the dates that I start searching community calendars for fun things to do and adding that to our "advent calendar". This year we have two category of things: each day we will have something special- go to live nativity, eat at winsteads and look at the lights, etc. But we also have christmas activities to do during our normal "tot school" time. So we have cotton ball painting (we will use red and green paint), we will make snow men, we will watch frozen, we will make puppets, we will get messy...but all in all we will just enjoy our time together :) So I normally plan our advent activities just a week in advance. I do, however, have a list that is super long of just ideas...I'll trim the list as it gets closer but for now it's just a hobby and something fun to thing about (another way I am odd). This year I think the calendar is going to be a bunch of stars hanging on a branch (thanks pinterest) it will match our christmas decor (a plus) and I can put them all in the order I want them to appear.
So I think that is everything- then as we do things- things that I love I jot down to do again. Things that I hate (or causes a melt down) we take funny pictures of and put that in the making memories department and don't need to do again (at least not for a few years ;))
Now I will also tell you that Andy and I don't buy Miss K christmas presents so anything we do for advent is her christmas. If we get her anything this year it will be things that we can continue to use in her "tot school times" or life skills things for her (like a step stool, or a potty chair, etc- I know exciting). We just want to spend Christmas as a family, making memories, and spending as much time as possible being together and not getting caught up in the santa chaos and hopefully spend what used to be an incredibly painful holiday for me a joyful one of memories being made and enjoying the anticipation that was in the first Christmas.
So, I hope that helps-and lets you in to my oddly wired brain :)
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
When did you stop dancing?
Maybe it's just a stage, maybe it's our little girl...but someone LOVES music! Loves dancing!
When the music comes on she can't stop her feet from moving, she can't stop her hands from clapping, and there is usually this high pitch squeal of delight that exudes from her being. If she really lets herself go you can find her spinning in circles as the music plays...it's freedom...
As I find myself watching her with so much delight and I see the pure joy she gets from dancing and from the music I wonder why I don't see people breaking out in Hyvee or Hobby Lobby in spins or clapping. Okay maybe not Hobby Lobby because their music is creepy. But multiple times when we are out Kadence hears the music and NEEDS to get her groove on. I started reflecting on this and wondering why I don't see adults spinning and clapping through stores. At what point did we lose our freedom to let loose and leave the cares of the world behind.
Did someone tell us to stop dancing and act proper? Did someone tell us our behavior wasn't acceptable? Did we look around and see other people not dancing and so decide on our own it's not okay? Who decided it wasn't okay? Why don't we live in a world of freedom where when music comes on we can drop everything we are doing and dance? When music comes on and our kids can't stop it from letting loose, can we drop everything we are doing and clap along?
When did I myself stop dancing? I mean I never had "rhythm"-let's be honest but did I react to music and movement the same way Miss K does? When was it not cool anymore? Does it take people surrounding you to make that filter go away and just let loose? I think about High School dances, college formals...all of those are dancing in groups (minus middle school- that was a lot of boys on one wall and girls on the other). But when did I myself stop dancing? Now I will tell you when Andy is not home and I can crank up the music and belt it at the top of my lungs and do some serious dancing with the broom. But when in public or outside of the comfort of my car you get the "polished" Kylie. The Kylie that is "appropriate (well to a degree) in public. But why?
I want to be that mom! I want to be the mom that for as long as Kadence will be moved by music and experience that freedom that I would encourage her to "let it go" and belt it out, stomp those feet, and let the world be her creative masterpiece. I want her to know that she is brave, beautiful, and that music is powerful and should be danced to. I want her to appreciate and be passionate about "feeling" the music and I want her to be surrounded in a home, family, and a culture that's not afraid to dance, let go, and clap along.
If I sit in theses thoughts for any time at all it becomes a very spiritual wrestling. Kadence in her purest form is being child-like. She is showing a side of herself that I think makes Jesus smile the largest smile. She is experiencing a freedom that in my heart I feel is the freedom that Christ gives to us. I feel like she dances in the way that Jesus dances when He sees creation. I think she "gets" it way better than my adult brain can ever comprehend. So for me and my family we will clap along to every song that comes on, we will worship together, we will dance together, we will live in this freedom together and we will encourage others to dance with us! Let's create a culture for our kids where they can experience that freedom of dance and the love for rhythm and music for the duration of their life! I pray for Kadence that she never stops feeling the freedom or joy in the way that she does when one of her favorite songs comes on and she just wants to spin...because that is a beautiful way to live and experience life. I am so glad Miss K teaches me things on the way that I should live. She is a great gift!
When the music comes on she can't stop her feet from moving, she can't stop her hands from clapping, and there is usually this high pitch squeal of delight that exudes from her being. If she really lets herself go you can find her spinning in circles as the music plays...it's freedom...
As I find myself watching her with so much delight and I see the pure joy she gets from dancing and from the music I wonder why I don't see people breaking out in Hyvee or Hobby Lobby in spins or clapping. Okay maybe not Hobby Lobby because their music is creepy. But multiple times when we are out Kadence hears the music and NEEDS to get her groove on. I started reflecting on this and wondering why I don't see adults spinning and clapping through stores. At what point did we lose our freedom to let loose and leave the cares of the world behind.
Did someone tell us to stop dancing and act proper? Did someone tell us our behavior wasn't acceptable? Did we look around and see other people not dancing and so decide on our own it's not okay? Who decided it wasn't okay? Why don't we live in a world of freedom where when music comes on we can drop everything we are doing and dance? When music comes on and our kids can't stop it from letting loose, can we drop everything we are doing and clap along?
When did I myself stop dancing? I mean I never had "rhythm"-let's be honest but did I react to music and movement the same way Miss K does? When was it not cool anymore? Does it take people surrounding you to make that filter go away and just let loose? I think about High School dances, college formals...all of those are dancing in groups (minus middle school- that was a lot of boys on one wall and girls on the other). But when did I myself stop dancing? Now I will tell you when Andy is not home and I can crank up the music and belt it at the top of my lungs and do some serious dancing with the broom. But when in public or outside of the comfort of my car you get the "polished" Kylie. The Kylie that is "appropriate (well to a degree) in public. But why?
I want to be that mom! I want to be the mom that for as long as Kadence will be moved by music and experience that freedom that I would encourage her to "let it go" and belt it out, stomp those feet, and let the world be her creative masterpiece. I want her to know that she is brave, beautiful, and that music is powerful and should be danced to. I want her to appreciate and be passionate about "feeling" the music and I want her to be surrounded in a home, family, and a culture that's not afraid to dance, let go, and clap along.
If I sit in theses thoughts for any time at all it becomes a very spiritual wrestling. Kadence in her purest form is being child-like. She is showing a side of herself that I think makes Jesus smile the largest smile. She is experiencing a freedom that in my heart I feel is the freedom that Christ gives to us. I feel like she dances in the way that Jesus dances when He sees creation. I think she "gets" it way better than my adult brain can ever comprehend. So for me and my family we will clap along to every song that comes on, we will worship together, we will dance together, we will live in this freedom together and we will encourage others to dance with us! Let's create a culture for our kids where they can experience that freedom of dance and the love for rhythm and music for the duration of their life! I pray for Kadence that she never stops feeling the freedom or joy in the way that she does when one of her favorite songs comes on and she just wants to spin...because that is a beautiful way to live and experience life. I am so glad Miss K teaches me things on the way that I should live. She is a great gift!
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