What she didn't say...

I shared a link this morning to a woman who wrote about being a cop wife. It was one of the best written articles about my life that I have read in a long while. She hit some of the pain right on the head, some of the worry, and all of the pride. I too, like her, have one of the good ones and I am proud to call him my husband and daddy to our girls. I do not know how he sees the things he sees, deals with the crap he deals with and yet can still come home and be gentle, understanding, patient, and loving. With all of this said there are some things that she didn't touch on that we have found as part of our life that may just be true in our little world but thought it would give insight...
1. Have you ever tried leading grace with an ear piece in your ear? It goes something like "Dear heavenly father, thank you...BEEEP armed disturbance at the peanut and then his number" "En route" and just like that grace, dinner, and your 30 min e-call is over
2. Andy works midnights so after I have put Kadence to sleep, I have picked up the house, done whatever I needed to do, and head to bed I hear what sounds like a little mouse scurrying through the kitchen looking for a snack. Luckily, unlike a mouse, his duty boots are quite heavy so I always know who it is and it brings a sense of peace. I love midnight snack time, and although I pretend to be asleep it always put a smile on my face.
3. You learn to be comfortable with a gun around. I didn't grow up with a personal body guard but I must admit after the link I shared and seeing who re-posted it and seeing that all were women from my church whose husbands also are cops...makes me question how many guns are in any given church service. I used to think that was weird but now it is nothing that phases me. Even friday when I went out with the girls (one of them a cop) I was comfortable knowing that even at 54th street at any given point there was a gun in-between me and my friend so she can protect me (well and everyone else in the restaurant -lol)
4. You learn to have empathy when your husband sleeps through church. I have figured out that church is not real conducive to baby sleep schedules and/or husband that works midnights schedules. He tries so hard to come to church with us because he wants to be a spiritual leader, he knows that I value a family going to church together...so about every other week my hubby has a hard time making it through church but he does it and I think God is okay with it. I think God knows his heart, knows that Andy loves Him, and that he is being the best man he knows how to be.
5. On top of all the other scheduling "conflicts" that our life might bring about my husband also makes time to spend time with me, Kadence, go to the dog park with Jada, tutor over at the Langsford house, run PE once a week at Langsford house, mentor twice a week over at Hilltop, sit on the board of the Langsford house and Pro Deo, and then most days also give up sleep to drive our 15 passenger van full of teenagers home from our after school program. He does all of this, lacking sleep, and not complaining. He will also go out of his way to pick up co-workers, visit people in the hospital, stop by and see his brother while on duty (his brother is a fire fighter). My husbands heart is the biggest I have ever seen a man have. God showed off a little when he made Andy.
6. You also learn what dishes heat, reheat, and reheat well. When we first got married, I used to leave dinner out and try to keep it warm till he was able to stop in and have it. That was a joke. I learned very quickly that you might as well cook, clean, and put it in tupperware before he gets a chance to eat it. I don't know if it is just us but it always feels like dispatch knows as soon as andy has stepped foot in the door. I will have food in the microwave and I will hear him que up his mic. So just as quick as I heated up the meal, I am recovering and putting it back in the fridge. It doesn't even phase me anymore...it's just part of the routine.
7. I have learned to NOT listen to the police scanner. I am really good at it. I know all of the numbers, codes, and for the most part who is who...so I really can give a play by play of the whole thing the whole time Andy is at work. I even got good at multi tasking and watching tv and listening to the scanner. Over the years the scanner has taken a back burner of importance to my life. It only took one valentines day of making a surprise for andy and hearing a call come out of a car stop with an armed and dangerous man who had a gun...they call for a second...and there is just silence. I sat there praying that there was second en-route to him. The second car got there. There was still silence. My world froze and I just waited as the dispatchers asked 10-18 (are you okay-basically) and there was another long pause and in my head I am praying over and over again the words 10-19 (I'm okay-basically). I hear andy come on the air say 10-19 and one in custody and my heart finally started beating again, I went back to working on my valentines surprise and life was okay again. That was just one call, one night, and I decided I couldn't live my life in fear or attached to the scanner at all times. So the scanner has taken a back burner in our home.
8. To be a police wife (or a good one-in my opinion) you can not be a jealous woman. You have got to understand that 12 hours of his day he is going on calls with people, talking to people, doing foot patrol with people. There are many days when Andy has spent more time with his co-workers or even that pesky prisoner that all of a sudden needed to go to the hospital than me. You have got to understand that going on foot patrol with an officer is part of his job not a hot date, getting grinded on by drunk women at the local bar is annoying not appealing. Andy gets hit on by women (and men-lol) on duty. He is Hot in a uniform. I embrace it and actually am flattered that so many find him attractive...because at the end of the night (or in our case first thing in the morning) he comes home to ME. I know I have it good, and I am secure in our relationship so there is not time/space/room for jealousy. If you are going to make it as a police wife there can not be room in your relationship for those things either.
9. I love that I have girlfriends who are also police wives because it makes us understand each other when we have plans and are waiting on the boys to go out and one of us calls because one of the boys got held over. It is not the exception to the rule...it is just how girls nights go :)
10. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff, that arguing is not necessary, that kissing before he goes off to work is a necessity, and that days off need to truly be days off. That when he comes home as much as I want to vomit on him about my night, day, weekend, etc...he takes in everything that he does and doesn't vomit it all over me.
11. You get used to the phone calls of "What if I got arrested for this" "Is this illegal"or "Whats happening at blank and blank""Can you go check on". Inevitably those phone calls come during date night, family time, sleep, or my favorite at intimate moments but we have learned how to silence the phone, laugh at the calls, and ignore the incessant phone calls.
12. Three day work weeks are horrible...and on midnights...UGH. I think every wife/mom should have off the mondays after daddy has worked the weekend. Our weekends that Andy works looks like Friday 7pm-7am work, 7am-11am sleep, 11-2pm wake-play-eat 2pm-6pm sleep. 6-6:30 eat-play-get ready for work. 7pm-7am work. 7am-10am sleep. 10-1 Church, eat, play. 1-6 sleep. 6-6:30 eat. 7pm-7am work...Monday morning our whole family is EXHAUSTED and daddy still needs to sleep before he can function. Daddy is exhausted from the long hours and lack of sleep. Jada is chomping at the bit to have every last bit of dad's attention. Kadence wants to play, be held, and laugh with daddy, and mommy just wants a nap,shower, and starbucks!
13. People make jokes about handcuffs and the awesomeness of being married and him carrying handcuffs.You nasty people... Have you seen the people those handcuffs have been on? NO THANKS-lol
14. I have learned to never say, "When you get off we are going to..." whether that is watch a movie, go to the store, head to a ball game, whatever it is I have just now guaranteed myself that he is on the bubble to be held over :)
15. You also get used to at home if you hear a noise. The husband gets up and searches the house with flashlight and gun...our house is well protected...I am not scared of the boogie man :)
16. Being in a small group at church is a joke. What it really means is go to a couples small group and function like a single mom. I really do feel bad for Andy sometimes and the lack of community he receives at church. It is hard to find a small group of guys to meet and study the word with when most men in the church are not on his schedule. There are no marriage classes, parenting classes, financial peace, mid week institute...all of these options for community at church and not a single one of them work for his schedule. Our church is used to Andy showing up in uniform to potlucks, special events, and even small group but he can never let his guard down. He is only a passer by usually only there long enough to graze some food, say hello, and back out the door he goes.
17. We also learned real quick that not every call gets talked about. Whereas I could go on and on about every last ounce of drama that pours out from the families I work with...Andy's calls are sometimes a little harder to hear around the table. We made a pact early on that I wanted him to share what he needed to share but I trusted him if there were things he needed to keep to himself I just needed him to process it with someone. I also told him that my only rules were if we were at a social gathering or at his moms I didn't want to be caught off guard and eveyone be talking about a "BIG STORY" and me not know anything about it. So far that has worked well for us. The only time our plan has failed us was on a girls night with one of the girl cops. We were just making conversation about how her week was and she said, "Oh, my gosh I bet you were glad that the call the other night with the knife turned out okay" I looked at her dumbfounded. She was like, you know the officer assist call? No, I didn't know...Officer assist calls are not something anyone takes lightly...they are the calls that make my husbands heart race...and HE had one? I knew nothing of the story. This was one of the stories that Andy had decided to keep to himself to not worry me and girls night told me the story anyway. My girlfriend was so sorry that she had told me, Andy was sorry he had not...we laugh about it now...and now we just don't talk about work at girls nights :)

What I have learned more than anything is that being married to a police officer is an honor. Yes we have a high divorce rate in their profession, but I would never let that deter me from marrying this man. Yes there are things that are unique to our lifestyle that most of our friends and families will never get or understand and that's okay. I am proud to call Andy my husband, my best friend, my lover, and my comic relief. His job ensures that my prayer life will never be stagnant. I can not live in fear everyday of the what ifs that his job brings. I love that little kids love his uniform and that he is their hero, I take pride that drunk women find my husband attractive, and I will always always be grateful when the garage door opens. Please don't feel sorry for us as police wives or mommies...our job is hard on days but it makes us better and stronger wives and moms. We are proud of our husbands, we think their uniform is sexy too, but to us it is so much more than a uniform. What is more sexy is their character, their love for us as their wives, their love for God as He protects them on the street, and their love and sacrifices they make daily for their family. Marry a man in uniform, it's life changing...but it seriously is a beautiful brotherhood both for the boys and for the women by their side.

I love you Andy and you are the best of the best of the best!

What to do when your baby is no longer a bump on a log...

Long title, I know but once you've been writing a blog for a year short and sassy is just not coming out these days.
So we in our house have officially left bump on a log stage. Let me clarify by stating that I have never felt like Kadence is just a bump but no more are the days of cuddling in front of netflix like a bum for hours on end while baby sleeps and I binge watch some non important show (don't tell my shows). Gone are the days of a sleeping baby in a car seat while you are at the grocery store, in a restaurant, or anywhere else for that matter. Gone are the days mindless chew toys and activity mats. I know that my girl has been on the move for awhile now but it truly feels like over Christmas break she has had this huge leap developmentally and she's like a real human in there. She is mocking everything we say. When I am measuring out her bottle in the morning I count the scoops out loud (on another day maybe we should talk about how I now narrate EVERYTHING I do...I would like to say this only happens when Kadence is on my hip but the people at target would tell you otherwise) and now when I say 1 she say one (or what sounds like one) and so forth till we get to 4. She can say Jada, Daddy, Mama, yuck, hey, hi, and a lot of other random words. Daddy is my favorite to hear because she says it all the time. But she also knows just when to say it. The other morning Andy was coming in the garage from work and we had just finished her morning bottle. She was in complete silence and was listening to him come in the garage, put down his bag, and come up the steps before he had said anything and before she could see him she said daddy and started crawling towards the steps.
She also likes to "find my nose", clap, and "give kisses". She has a favorite book (Nugget and Fang) and she knows where to find it and what comes next.
She has started dancing and "singing" along to songs.
She has stated feeding her self, figuring out how to pour things out and how to put them back together.
She has figured out cause and effect.
When trying to show her how a sorting game worked the other morning, she figured out that instead of her doing it...I was much faster. So each time she would take it out and give it back to me so I could do it again, and again, and again.
The other night she had some ointment on her back and Jada was intrigued by the smell so Jada was following Kadence around. Kadence thought this was the funniest thing and soon realized that Jada would "chase" her wherever she went. Kadence then started crawling quickly from the tile to the carpet and back and forth getting Jada to follow her. When Jada stopped, Kadence still kept trying to get her to follow her. When Andy and I picked up on what she was doing, Andy got down on the ground and started chasing her too and that was just as much fun and then Jada got re-interested too.
Needless to say, this brain surgeon or freaking bright child we have on our hands is constantly thinking, learning, and figuring out this world. I have always been fascinated with child growth and development, language development and other things of the sort but watching your own child go through each stage and just watching them figure out the world is one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced. I am in awe of God and how He is shaping her into a little human, who at 11 months is quite independent. I am in awe of how each day she seems to learn something new, tackle something that she hasn't done before, and I just keep thinking what happened to my baby?
So enough bragging and now for the "What to do now" stage. Here are some helpful tips for my moms out there that will get to this stage and reminders for myself:
1. Do not stay up late pinteresting or netflixing- you will need ALL of your energy and attention ready to go first thing in the AM
2. Start watching the words of you and the people around you (going back to work next week should be a treat...if I have the first 10 month old to say the f-word- I will kill a teenager...you have been warned)
3. Take baby proofing to a whole new level. It's not about gates. It's not about outlet covers...I'm talking tape over the tv buttons (so she can't turn off and on the TV). Chairs that were once chairs are now obstacle courses that you can go over and under. If you have a dog...figure out what the dog can do that the baby can't or shouldn't do. Since Kadence mocks people she also mocks Jada. So, jada can fit through the spindles on our stair case to get up stairs...Kadence...well...not so much- lol. But dang it if she didn't give it her best effort.
4. Sort through toys- sift through the bump on a log toys and toys that will actually keep her engaged. Thanks to Christmas we actually have toys that fit into that category now.
5. Sing and dance with them, get on the floor with them, mock them back...Kadence is always blown away that I know all the songs on pandora (thank God they are not hard...things like itsy bitsy spider and wheels on the bus help). She loves it when we all play in the ball pit, or when we all are cuddled up on the stuffed animals in the living room.
6. She is a sponge, she is taking it all in. Keep narrating, keep filling that head with things that you want her to take in and filtering out the things that you don't. It's so funny now because Andy and I will be watching a show on netflix and be like "Um, yeah this is trash we are turning this off...or sesame street it is" (because even the cartoons these days are awful)
7. Take time to breathe and take it all in. I think every stage I have thought this is my favorite stage and yet the journey continues and I love this stage too. I love this little human, I love that she is so clever, funny, and so full of life and joy! (I also wish that now I was on maternity leave so that I could "sleep when she sleeps" but I'll just have to settle for an early bed time)
8. This may just be a new winter thing (since this is the first winter that she's not a bump on a log and usually I am all about building up the immune system) but I am breaking out the hand sanitizer again and making these filthy animals of the rest of the world disinfect before putting their hands all over my adorable baby...germs people...germs.
9. In our house we have started doing art, fine motor things, and working on gross motor. Not like "school" by any means but I love me some good sensory activities and Kadence seems to enjoy them as well. Things that we can do together (since she is still in the let's put everything in our mouth stage)
10. I'm thinking about breaking out the moby again! Or my makeshift moby. I don't know if she will buy it but there are times when mommy needs her hands free and having her attached to my body would do us both good...well unless she screams bloody murder and then that won't really do any of us any good-lol

Parenting is so much fun and being a mom is a blast...I will take my snot covered shirts, and particles of food I find on me all day (let's be honest most are from Kadence but not all-lol), and the change of clothes I usually need after bath time because my girl loves to splash! I love this season, I love this girl and for my first time mommy's to be (there are so many of them in my life right now) I am so excited to watch you walk through this first year with your babies it is truly amazing!

p.s. what I have learned is that I should not blog after having several doses of caffeine today...sorry not sorry (can I even use that phrase at almost 30?)