We decided when we started this journey adopting Kadence that we were going to make this a public event. We decided that we needed prayers and we needed to be vulnerable with the online community because if there were other "researchers" out there that maybe my journey, struggles, and honest chats through life might be helpful. And even if they aren't helpful to anyone else they are very therapeutic for myself :)
At this point we have crossed the year mark and no longer can I say a year ago I was preparing for Kadence and the fear that was in that. A year ago I was cuddling a little bundle, enjoying maternity leave, and binge watching private practice on Netflix. It was a simple time, a relaxing time (mainly cause I had an easy baby- I am aware that a lot of people this is not their experience). I also got to spend two weeks doing this with my husband, no other priorities except for our family. In our six years of marriage, besides our honeymoon, we had never spent this much uninterrupted time together.
A year later: jobs have picked back up, responsibilities returned and there are times when life is crazy but I still wouldn't change it for the world! Most people see my life and think wow that girl is busy, how does she have time for (fill in the blank)? Recently I had a woman say she had been watching my photos on facebook and she wondered how did I have time for all that fun? I had another mom say that she wished that I would stop posting pics of fun things because it makes her feel bad that she doesn't do any of that stuff with her kids and it was making her feel bad. As much as these women are telling the truth and our curious and saying it as loving and with humor as they can, I start reflecting...and here are some of my thoughts I have come up with-
* My degree is elementary/early childhood...I don't think it was my degree as much as the way my body is wired. Jesus called me to work with Teens, it was not my choosing(although I love it). Jesus called me to be an executive, that was not my choosing(all though I love it too). So I will forever be the girl in the board room with flipflops on and if my husband would let me I would resemble more of Ms. Frizzle than any non-profit could possibly handle. So, that results in my brain being over stimulated by raising a child. I go to target and I might be there for just milk but it instantly turns into a sensory play date where we are looking for things that are soft, rough, loud, quiet, etc. It has instantly turned into our playground and it cost me nothing (minus the cost of milk and maybe a thing or two from the dollar bins ;)) My life thinks in classroom management even if I only have one kid. I have books/toys etc separated by season. I see trash (like a velveta box we had yesterday) and it's just going in the trash but before it gets there I give it to Kadence (and ultimately Jada) and see what they can do with it. Can Kadence put the box together? Can she take it apart? Can she hide things in it? I tell you all of this so that you can see I am constantly thinking of activities and play things to do with Kadence. It is not something that takes "work" it just happens.
*How much time does it really take? I get the question all of the time how do I have time for all the things that we do? We play hard at our house, we work hard at our house, but we also relax hard at our house too. Most of the things we do happen around things we would do anyways. We are taking a bath anyway- what can I do to make it more fun? I keep food coloring in the bathroom (I know odd) but then I just add it to the water and any bath instantly becomes fun. Last night I did a 30 second run through of the house and picked up anything green ( a mountain dew bottle that was empty, two quick trip lids that were green, 3 ball pit balls, and 3 mega blocks all green). We instantly had a St. Patty's celebration in the tub. It took all of 30 seconds and it was fun not just for her but for us too. Would she have enjoyed her tub just as much without all of that- sure but why not? The other component that plays into our life is that my husband has a crazy shift and every other weekend we barely get to see him between sleep and work. So every other week I play single mom for the weekend. It is exhausting, hard, and by the end of the weekend we are all ready for daddy to be home and I am forever grateful that it's just a weekend and that I am not indeed a single mom. But if my focus for the weekend was surviving through the weekend I would be miserable. My interactions with Kadence would be mediocre at best. The environment in our house would be depressing and ugly. Instead those weekends have now become some very special moments to me. We have girls days- we go shopping, we paint our toes, we do our "really messy" stuff then. When nap time comes and I should be doing housework I sit in silence, breathe deeply and count my blessings. When Kadence wakes from her nap we are both refreshed and ready to play more. If I need to work or do house work I save that till she is asleep at night (or lets be honest put it off till the next day). It might not work for everyone but it makes our weekend when Andy is working fun, and when he gets off on Monday we are not useless heaps of mess that needs to be put back together. I am still exhausted but it is not because I am stressed or it's too much it's because we played hard and we (kadence, Jada, and I) were not designed to not have daddy around :)
* My husband is amazing! The reason we are also able to get so much done (not that this is what we are striving for it is just what we get told all the time) is because andy is a hard worker too. I am in a few moms groups on facebook and it is so disheartening to me to read all the women that are longing for their husbands to just engage in raising their kids. They long for their husband to do something, anything around the house. I read them and to me it's a disconnect. My husband is a great dad, worker, volunteer in the community, and house worker. He is not idle. It probably helps that he is not a sports man, video game man, etc. 9 times out of 10 it's Andy who starts the laundry, it's Andy who puts the dishes away. I am blessed and I know it. We make a great team and I know that there are a ton of women out there that wish their husband was active either around the house or with the kids. So, I guess another reason "I" am able to get so much done is because it's not really "I" that is doing everything. My husband takes a GREAT deal of weight off my plate by doing things off my to do list, things around the house, and raising Kadence WITH me.
* I have waited a LONG time to be this mom! From the time I was a little girl I rocked baby dolls. If we played house I wanted to be the mommy. If you played house with me you were always the daddy or the kids. When I was in college I was watching moms in the local church and taking note of the type of mom I wanted to be. My whole journey I was reflecting on how to be a mom, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be...etc. So at least 23 years in the making I have been waiting for this season of my life and doing some intense training for this time in my life. So I have 23 years of thoughts on how to be a mom that are now running crazy from by brain.
* I don't work from 9-5. I have an amazing family and co-workers and a great job! I work 40-60 (sometimes more and those are the weeks I am not proud of) hours a week depending on the week. However my hours rarely happen straight in a row (which for my ADD is a blessing). So this looks like getting up before everyone else in my house and returning emails before people get into work. It means during nap time I spread out my computer bag, return phone calls, and manage projects. It means on Andy's days off I slip away to the coffee shop so that I can work start to finish on certain projects, have meetings, and do a lot of admin tasks for my job. Then on other days that I need to work that I can't take Kadence with me I have an amazing family that steps up to the plate to snuggle and play with Miss Kadence. I know that we are blessed because Andy and I both have full time jobs and yet we have still managed to not have Kadence in daycare, a rare blessing. I also have a great support system of staff and volunteers that if something arises and I can't slip away I have people that can step up to the plate in my absence.
I tell you all of that to tell you we don't "DO IT ALL" at our house nor is Kylie a "SUPER WOMAN". I am just a girl that Jesus decided was wired to me a mom and a wife. He called me to ministry with teenagers and somewhere along the way in this season of my life they all merged onto the same path. Andy and I feel incredibly blessed to be where we are in life and see God answering prayers left and right. We are blessed that at this season in our life we can have the life that we have. IF I was still teaching in public school my life would not look like it does today. IF our organization had not grown to where we have a larger base of staff and volunteers my life would not look like it does today. I am grateful that at just the right time God answered our prayers and that all along when I thought he was saying no He was just putting things into place so that I could be the mom, wife, and leader that he wanted ME to be today. I'm leaning into this journey and having so much fun! God is so good!
Perspective and reflecting are great tools to have as a mom!
Sincerely the "Fun" mom :)
