So, I got a new phone! I did it! I have had the same phone number since I was 16 (I won't do the math for you but that is a long time to have the same number). My number and I had a love/hate relationship. I loved it because we had journeyed for so long together but I hated it because that dang phone got in the way of many family events, conversations, pee breaks, and everything else...I was a slave to my phone. In honesty I liked the appearance of being needed, I mean if your phone goes off 24/7 you must be important right...and that's what life is all about...being important...
Somewhere along the way I have created a very unhealthy relationship with that piece of technology. It wasn't till I was on a solitude retreat and I turned off all notifications for the weekend and I did it...I missed calls, I missed text messages, and I undoubtedly let someone down but it was so freeing to not know where that damn phone was all the time. There was something about it that felt right for my soul. Then, there was the dreaded date night conversation almost two weeks later that Andy would actually prefer that people couldn't get ahold of me during dinner, bedtime, breakfast, or the countless other times that emergencies or crisis would infringe on OUR time (I know shocking that he would feel that way). Why wasn't I allowed to take a day off? Why wasn't I allowed to not answer the phone? Why wasn't I allowed to not be present? I would never desire or think that was healthy for another soul so why had I allowed that to become my norm? The countless conversations I had with Jesus the month of May were UGLY- had I really let a piece of technology become a God to me?
I am always in the learning posture and so I found other Executive Directors that are christians and have families and started asking them what their relationship was with their phone. All were living my life, all were hating yet loving this small piece of technology. I remember driving and yelling at God and telling Him that it would be so much easier if I had a good example- if I could see someone living my life and still able to hit the off button. But, everyone I ran into was overworked, a little bitter, and enslaved by their phone/email and all of the other ways that people could get ahold of them. It felt helpless, I felt defeated...I felt scared. So, I told God I would do it- I would do it for my health, for my marriage, for my family, for Him...
So for Father's day I made the fateful decision that I would change my number for Andy, for our family, for God, for ME!
So (in my selfless act I was able to actually upgrade my phone and pay less than we were)- I know, Kylie the martyr! HA! So my new phone has these really cool/creepy (the words are interchangeable) capabilities. One of them is that it tracks your steps. The first day I had it I walked 25 steps. I was shocked that I could only walk 25 steps in a day and the shame started to flow in about my laziness and then I remembered that I didn't have a case for my phone so I left my phone on a shelf while I did life. So, I had indeed taken WAY more than 25 steps that day (did I forget to mention I have a VERY ACTIVE two year old) but my PHONE had only been with me for 25 of those steps. That was something I was VERY proud of!!! It has now become a game of something I check before I go to bed at night and something I reflect on- how much of life can I do WITHOUT my phone. So, Where as people with fitness goals want the number to be as high as possible my goal is to make it as low as possible...less than 1,000...enough to slow down, to be present, to be fully engaged and to not be reachable 24/7. It's a journey- I still have to train some people in my life...but it's worth it.
If seems so dumb to write a whole blog post on how my phone was more important than the people in my life. It doesn't feel great to admit it or to be transparent in that regard but I have learned throughout this journey that being transparent is how God uses me to crash into other people and their journey. So here is my hope that someone out there longing to be important and needed to...that you will find the courage to let go. When I am gone I don't want the person that gets up and give my eulogy to be my CELL PHONE!
So here's to my journey of taking less steps with my phone! To turning off work! Here's the journey of using the phone to take pictures of my girl and my handsome husband, to using my phone to check in on family or to schedule coffee/lunch dates that are not work focused. To use my phone to sign up to help others that are in the time of need by bringing a meal or going out with friends...there is so much more that I can do with my phone that creates a better me, doesn't breed resentment, and creates a healthy life balance.
Grateful that God is working on me through all of this...
(*My disclaimer- I still love the people that I loved and their late night text messages and their crisis'- my love and passion for them has not changed- I think it is actually growing leaps and bounds-I still want them in my life- I still want to do life side by side- I am just protecting my family and protecting me)
