I did it! I broke away from the craziness of life to meet with myself at starbucks and drink my drink slowly and spend some time reflecting. 2015 had some really crappy moments but overall it was good...not great but no complaints. Unexpected things I learned in 2015 were how to actually be a good friend, how to have a Quiet Time with Jesus all while having a toddler at home, how to be an advocate for myself, how to set boundaries, how to enjoy solitude, and how to trust that Jesus is moving and working even when I can't see it. If you stick around long enough you will see that I have to learn that last part over and over again in the course of my life. But I can feel 2016 knocking at the door and so today we say goodbye to 2015. We remember the good times, thank God that we made it through the hard times, and embrace that 2016 is full on its way. I was stumbling around and found some prompts for reflection and I won't bore you with all of my reflecting but thought that some of this might be helpful to more than just me or that it would prompt conversations over the next year. Maybe I would get some good coffee dates out of this and someone would say I really want to go to coffee and talk about and pick one of these topics:) So here I go!
In 2016 I purpose to-
Embrace: the journey of change. In my personal life we have put out all of our feelers for different adoption situations (from begging people on Facebook to find us a birth mom, to talking to agencies, to pursuing the foster care system) Starting Jan 5th we start our STARS training for the state of Missouri to be licensed foster parents with the intent to adopt. This little fact makes me want to cuss with fear. There is something daunting knowing that I have no control over how God will use all of these paths to create our family. I pray for wisdom and discernment as we are presented with adoption situations. I pray that God would protect my heart because man do I fall in love quickly when it comes to babies needing a home and just as quickly as I fall in love my heart breaks when it doesn't work out. I pray for protection over our family unit because although I am excited about whatever way God grows our family and the prospect of having more kiddos in our house, I never want to be so excited and focused on the future of what's to come that I can't embrace where I am today, what God is doing today, and how beautiful my family is TODAY! In my work life I have hired two additional positions and am starting 2016 with a team that I am so very excited about. A team that fiercely loves Jesus, each other, our teens, and our community. I am pumped to go to work next week!
Engage: in my marriage. I will be present. I will show up. I will make more time to have a cup of coffee together while Kadence is at preschool. I will dream with him, I will pray for him, I will scratch his back...I will engage at being a student of him. I will engage in being his best friend, his wife, and his lover. 2016 will be a year of great love and lots of spooning!
Be: Healthy. I know most people say this when the year changes and they have a weight goal and they have the latest fad to get them to their goal. Not this girl. I am a girl that in 2015 was given some awesome medical news and so me being healthy looks different than most. For me it looks like tracking if I go to the bathroom every day or not (I know TMI), taking lettuce and most other veggies or most fiber completely out of my diet, increasing sleep, and decreasing stress, and not to choke on food when I eat. I go in every three months to track my blood results. So my goal is just for every 3 months when I go in the blood tests to be better than the month before. So in 2016 I shall keep tracking on this journey of learning more and more the awesome quirks of this body of mine and adhering to what makes it healthy.
Believe: that God's not done. I had this realization about a month ago that there is a deep lie that I have been holding on to but haven't shared with people. Deep down I think my "miracles from God" has been all used up. Don't laugh at me. It sounds crazy to even type it out. But I have lived a very blessed life, a life that I can see God's handprint ALL over. I prayed for this man that I wanted desperately to be my husband and God answered and I seriously have the best husband and feel that God totally hand picked him just for me. I can look back at our story and see God weaving our story together in the most beautiful way. Fast forward and I can say this without a shadow of a doubt with Pro Deo and as well as with Kadence's story. Those have been 3 of the big miracles in my life but at the same time I feel like there are answered prayers all over my life. So it seems odd that I would deep down ponder if He's done. I know this is a lie from satan. So in 2016 I am believing that God that has orchestrated and created incredible miracles in my life is not taking a break in 2016.
Break: my work addiction. I will turn off that dang phone, I will give myself permission to be at home, have a sleeping baby, a husband at work, AND sit down...something I did not excel at in 2015.
Daily: Dig in God's word. Man does it make a difference. It makes a difference in how I love, how I lead, how I parent...it's a big deal and can't be a "if there's time" arrangement. It HAS to be daily.
Do: vacation. It has been a long time coming but I think my home finally values vacation. The art of slowing down, getting away together, and making memories. So I'm going to do that this year...because I like vacation and I like making memories with my family :)
Let Go: of comfort. I want to do things that stretch me and make me uncomfortable. I want to learn and live life to its fullest and I think that sometimes I let my own ideas of what I am comfortable with dictate what I will participate in. So in 2016 I am going to be uncomfortable and see what God has in all of that for me.
Learn:to sabbath. I am going to learn to have a day of rest. I don't know more than that. I just value it and long for that rhythm in my family.
Live:intentionally. I want to live every day on purpose. I want every phone call, every coffee discussion, every interaction that I have to be intentional. I want people to be heard, loved, and cared for. I want to be present for the little moments and to see what God is doing through all of the little things.
Give:generously. Andy and I are in year two, for us, of giving financially monthly generously to things that we are passionate about. Now my husband has always been generous, he has always been one to financially take care of people when there is a need sometimes even to a fault. But we never did it as a discipline, never as a just because, and never at the first of every month. But the last two years have been different. It has been interesting to see what God has done with that money, how God has blessed that trust in our own journey and it has been fun getting to support things that we really care about (I think working in a non-profit it makes this whole thing more fun. I in essence get paid from donations of generous people in our community and then after I get my pay check we turn around and give it to other people in our community.) I think that is beautiful to Jesus. So in 2016 I want our hearts to be generous.
Grow: Me. I think my unsettledness with 2016 is that I know this is coming. Regardless of what I purpose for 2016 God is going to grow me. It is coming and I think that part of the unsettledness is me saying Here I am God use me...use me in my home, use me to love others, use me at work, use me to lead, use me to parent, use me to care for others, USE ME...
So 2016 Here I am...
