Here in Kansas City we are preparing for a winter storm. There are so many unknowns as when it will start, how big it will be, and what the effects will be on us or on our community. I can't help but think that Andy and I are preparing for a storm as well (not a snow storm that so many are dreading but the whirlwind of a child joining our family) and I am left with a lot of the same questions. When will she be born, how big will she be, what effect will her little life have on me, on Andy, on our family, in our community and I get lost in my thoughts, love, and dreams for this little girl.
This morning I just got down on my knees and laid face down on the rug in the nursery, letting the peace that can only come from God pass through that room, over me, and settle into my heart...I followed it up by some good ole itunes...today's God's playlist consisted of Your Love by Shane and Shane and my eyes filled up with tears as the lyrics plead to God, "I'm overcoming fear, with your perfect love...Your love tears me up and when it's done puts me together" This has been my journey through infertility and through adoption. His perfect love overcoming my fear, tearing me apart to wrestle with all that's wrapped up in this and then putting me back together in only His way. My next song was Mighty to Save and I was reminded of the first adoption video that I saw of an adoptive family coming home with their new family, Mighty to Save was the sound track to the video and I wept. I remember them holding their newest member of their family and the tears in their eyes and you could see God working there too... The lump in my throat continues to make way to the top as I remember the raw emotions that have been there throughout this journey and continue to be there each and everyday as we approach the due date (7 days if anyone was counting). The next song was My Girl and I am immediately brought to a smile...I don't think you can listen to that song and not smile but when you are getting ready to bring a little girl into your family I think it takes on a whole new level of sunshine in my life...and then the next song was one less by matthew west...and although we are not half way around the world from our birth family (THANK GOODNESS) nor was this little girl ever abandoned (very much the opposite) but there is VERY much a wife begging God for a little girl she can call her own...and our worlds are very much colliding and then I can't even hold back the tears as he sings that man and wife brought that little girl home today...I want, I long for, I can't even put words to this emotion that is taking over me...
So I weep, so I dream, so I pray (repeat)...I am blown away by the God journey that adoption is. I am blown away by the selflessness of a birth mom, the courage, and strength that she has. I am blown away by the trust and faith it takes from adoptive parents. I am blown away how God uses both parties to minister to each other so that each feels His love and His power through this process. I am blown away how God shows off His love for us in the way He weaves our stories together in such a way that we are left with our jaws dropped, going how did this happen? We serve a great God that knows us...I don't think I grasped the extent of Psalm 139 until walking through adoption...God knows Kadence. He was there when she was knitted together in her mother womb and He knew exactly how He was going to weave her story together and at the same time was preparing mine and Andy's hearts to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for this child individually and collectively in our marriage. We serve an amazing God and this morning as we prepare for this child and for this snow storm I am in awe of how blessed we are and how beautiful Kadence's story is and how much peace comes in trusting Him through this Journey...
Blessed!
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