Grateful for the things I didn't know were missing...

A year ago today, I don't remember what I was doing. I don't remember if Andy had off, I don't remember if I was busy...It was just an ordinary Monday night. I went to bed, just like I will do tonight, not knowing tomorrow my world would be any different. A year ago tomorrow is when I got the phone call about Kadence and got to meet our birth mom for the very first time. A year has passed since that day and I have never experienced as much joy, laughter, and just contentment as I have these past 12 months. As we celebrated our finalization in the court room this past Friday I have been doing some reflecting on this journey, on my life as a mom, and on parenting. If you would have told me a year ago all the things I was missing by not being a mommy, I would have believed you and my heart would have ached to experience those things but the things I was excited about and longed for are in no way the things that I love most these days. So I have made a list, unique to us and our parenting of Miss K in this stage she is in. I titled this list the things I didn't know were missing...
1. The art of wrangling a 9 month old into her sleeper (I really think wrestling a greased pig might be easier)
2. Giving a bath to K and getting just as soaked as she splashed about with glee
3. Doing the dishes and feeling little hands pulling up on your legs because she wants to stand next to you
4. Watching her awe as she discovers new sounds, voices, textures, and effects of things she does
5. how much just seeing herself in the mirror would bring the both of us delight and laughter
6. Sitting under the heated blanket in the morning as we do our morning feed with no one else around or awake and no noise...just mommy and Kadence cuddled up and taking each other in
7. How much excitement a pile of books can bring Miss K, she could sit all day with a pile of books and I love to read to her, listen to Andy read to her (that is truly the best), or listen to her talk as she tries reading them to herself
8. I love how she responds to Abby Cadabby from sesame street and yet she had never seen sesame street before but when Abby comes on TV or she sees something with Abby in a store she instantly starts squealing with delight
9. I love that at night I put Kadence to bed with her bear on the heart beat setting and her G-Pass (her giraffe pacifier) and then when I wake up in the morning she is holding her bear but it is now on the music setting and she is sucking on her G-Pass. Earlier this week I walked in on this but she was rocking her bear, with the music on, while sucking on her G-Pass
10. I love it when she cries, because her tears pierce my heart and I am reminded every time one of her tears fall the depth of my love for her
11. I love her adventure side and that she is always wanting to try something new (and usually a little scary to mommy) and that she has a knack for finding the smallest, tiniest, piece of anything anywhere and pick it up and that makes her feel so accomplished
12. I love to watch her clap
13. I even love the separation anxiety that has kicked in this week...it makes everything take even longer than it already did but cuddling that girl rocks my world
14. Her open mouthed kisses that are just a bit more slobbery than the average persons
15. Watching her and Andy play together and watching her giggle or squeal when he even walks in the door from work
16. Taking care of a sick baby and all the emotions that come with not being able to make her better

I also love how such a tiny little girl can seem like she understands so much of the world that is going on around her. On friday, while we were sitting at the table in the court room Kadence was disinterested in our lawyer and the things he was talking about. She would rather have been beating on the table or attacking some toy I had recovered from the diaper bag. But there were two times (at least) that melted my heart on Friday and made me question what all she was taking in for the day. The first was when the lawyer was asking me my questions...he asked a series of questions and through all of the questions Kadence was just minding her own business and I was answering yes to his questions. Then he asked, Are you here today before the courts desiring to be Kadence's mommy forever? At that moment Kadence stopped what she was doing and looked me right in the eyes and as I looked back at her I replied absolutely as I choked backed my tears. Then at the conclusion of the court the judge is rattling off everything she has to say (which is a lot) and then she says on this date, at this time I officially declare the adoption and then said Kadence's whole name with her new last name official and Kadence's started clapping...it's the little things like this that make my heart ponder how much does that little soul pick up on...if she picked up on nothing or all of it, it's a day for the books!

Sigh...My life is blessed, my family and I have so much to be thankful for this year. We do not take lightly the blessings that God has bestowed upon us this year. This little girl has my heart, my soul, my everything...I knew I wanted to be a mommy, I knew I would love being a mommy...I did not know however that these were the things that were missing from my life and that they would be the things I love most about my day to day life these days.

Happy Thanksgiving from our grateful family of 4! (Andy, Momma Bear, K, and Jada)