The Grant that saved my life...

In non-profit work you have grants. You write grants, you receive grants (fingers crossed-lol), and life  can operate on a grant cycle. This past fall/winter we applied for a grant. It was a grant for healthy lifestyles. Although I was excited about the ideas and the prospects for potential community partners I had no idea the impact it would have on my personal life. I knew when we submitted the grant that if we had received it that we had to be all in from top management all the way down. I couldn't require teens that have no natural desire for healthy living to make such drastic changes if I too wasn't willing to go on the journey. It should make sense that this was my approach sense we run our organization with the "with" mentality. I want to be in the trenches WITH my people...so I knew the first step to this was I needed to make a doctors appointment to deal with some annoying things I had tried to avoid/ignore for going on a year now. To spare you all of the medical details my GI was/is messed up and that was a nice understatement. This decision to deal with this was not an easy one, not a cheap one, and not one that I was terribly excited to address but knew it needed to be done. The week we got word that we got the grant was a horrible week in my life- one that was filled with tears and much stress...I was a mess to say the least. I remember sitting at the coffee shop processing all that was going on and making the realization of the changes that getting this grant were going to mean for me and my family. As testing continued, dr visits continued to accumulate here I was at the crossroads...then there was spring break and the grant was officially kicking off...and the phone rang...

It was the doctor and although they had several tests that were still out (and still actually are as I type this) they had discovered at least one piece of the puzzle and that was that I had something "cool" called Gastroparesis (I still to this day have hit or miss days on being able to spell that awesome name) and to set up a meeting to meet with the doctor again. We met and as we started processing things I was well aware that my life was changing before my very eyes. At first I was in denial- at first I googled everything and was like this is SO not me...but then I did some more research (beyond google, WebMD, and the Mayo Clinic) and what I found were real people that had been suffering for way to long like me with out a diagnosis. Things that I couldn't put into words, things I had shook off as just my "quirks" and had no idea they were all tied together. What I found were lifestyle changes that I was having to make. More sleep, less stress (I actually am doing really poorly with the first two on many days), less fat, very little fiber, and the worst no blueberries or strawberries...I was confident that I was not going to be defined by my "diagnosis" since I struggled with that so long with PCOS too. The more I read and the more changes I have been making the more that I feel like this is the route I am to be taking. I am only two weeks in to my "new life", I still have bad days where I struggle just to function but I have been experiencing the bad days for so long that I have learned how to plow through them and put a smile on my face. If anything it has given me the freedom to say out loud that I don't feel well after I eat or when a certain meal makes things worse. It has also made me not feel like I'm crazy and that all of this pain I have been enduring was not "just in my head" or something else. It also has made me a student of my own body- figuring out how it is supposed to work, what helps and what hurts it and to learn everything I can to better me. 

So here I am two weeks in, appreciative for a grant that helped me take the courage and be brave to go to the doctor. To a grant that is making the means available for the people in my life and myself to seek a healthy lifestyle together, eat healthy together, and discover these changes together. Taking the bodies that God has given us, embracing them and all of their quirks, and becoming our own advocate and deciding to live well with whatever path we are given. So thanks to our grantors, to the drs, to the teens in this journey too, to Melissa that posts encouraging pictures for the teens that actually helps me too, for my fitness pal, and for my hubby who has been so encouraging and supportive through this whole life change. My life is different now and as more tests come in I am sure my life will continue to change but for now I am grateful to learn the things I am, and have the opportunity to be in the trenches with others making their lives better. Accepting this, advocating for me, and believing that God is creating a good work in me and that he can heal things even when medicine says it's not possible... 

That's what's been going on over here and what happens when a grant actually has the potential to change your life...not just in a financial blessing...but protecting and saving my health and the health of the people I love...GRATEFUL