I know full well I should sleep. But I just had a home made cinnamon roll with some milk and the house is silent so why not blog.
If anyone has been following along closely you will see that a ton has changed from my last post and although because of awesome regulations in place I can't share everything I want to share I thought I would update you on things.
May 2nd we got a teenager. She's 15. She's beautiful. Our goal in this relationship is to show her unconditional love and to parent her as she continues to blossom into a young adult. I think it's funny that God sent me another teenager. I told Him specifically that our teenage department was closed for business. I actually met our said 15 year old the Friday before she moved in...we got to sharing lives and she told me she was in foster care. I probed and at one point she lit up and said maybe one day I could live with you. I laughed at her(I know...I am just that great of a human). I told her the next kids God sent me were going to be babies and that I was not interested but I was glad there was people out there that would take teenagers but it was 100% not us. I also told her living with us isn't fun...I can be fun Kylie but I can also be protective and very assertive Momma Bear and sometimes people can not be a fan of that side. I'm also nosey and all up in peoples business which can also be annoying as a teenager. Weekend went by and that Monday I opened up our e-mail that had kids that needed placed on it (this e-mail comes out like 5 times a day if you too want to be in the trenches and go through foster care training) and I saw a girl out of our county that had a similar name and age. I called and just asked if said girl lived in my city. She did. It was her. I hung up. I went home and told Andy I thought we had a problem because I felt strongly that God wanted us to say yes to this. He smirked in his Andy way and said I think you are right. And we laughed about what God was doing and then called the people back and told them we would take her. 3 hours later she was here...Its been 15 days but so far so good :)
Fast forward to Thursday the 5th (yes that same week) we thought we were getting another placement. They went in shelter but they for sure told us we would get them. All weekend we prepared for 4 and for 3 boys and a girl.
Tuesday the 10th came and the case worker for that sibling set FINALLY called me back (toward the end of the day) and as she is reading me the kids file another email comes out about 3 girls needing placement. I read the ages and I immediately stop taking notes and tell her I need to call her back. I quickly call Andy and tell him our two options and he says he thinks the girls is the route to go. So I quickly (everything feels like it has to be done fast) call them and tell them we will take them. I didn't ask questions I just said yes. This goes against all of our training but I did it. It felt like it took forever for the caseworker to call me but she did. I was at Hobby Lobby when she called and I remember crying as she was filling in some holes for me. I was nervous and excited and every emotion in between. They would be here that next morning by lunch time. So rearrange #456 of our house to now accommodate 4 under 4 and 2 teenagers. 18 hours later my world got rocked in the best of ways.
I will never forget them opening the van doors and me seeing these beautiful african american baby girls. I get choked up even now thinking about it. It was surreal. We welcomed them into our home and started showing them around. The lady pretty much says "take luck" and out the door she goes. I spent most of my day just trying to make kids not feel scared, changing diapers, and frantically looking for clothes that fit kids. When they came all three kids were wearing the same size diaper so figuring out what was the right size was a very early on battle. Then it was size of clothing because no one was in the right size clothing. Then there was have they eaten? Apparently no because our first meal we went through a half a loaf of bread and I didn't even have a sandwich. When did the baby last have a bottle? Wait...there's no formula in the container of formula...not even enough to make ONE bottle? do they nap? Do they take pacifiers? Is the oldest in a toddler bed or crib? Do they have any allergies? ...wait this one has braces on her feet...what are those for? Then frantically digging for PJ's that night and I find a breathing treatment machine...wait who does that go to? How do I use this? WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS? I was frustrated, it was chaos...but luckily very kind friends made sure we were fed and started washing mass amounts of clothes that were in various sizes that didn't fit and then rocked babies...lots of hands rocking babies.
Well, we are officially six days in. The laundry still isn't completely done and we still have some awesome behaviors (this evening was rough after first visit) but what we do have are smiles. We have girls that love to be cuddled, girls that are learning an appreciation for reading books, trying new foods, and learning how to share. We have figured out that everyone can break out into a song of Twinkle Twinkle or ABC's if we need to calm our not gentle hands or stop the sibling bickering. We have girls that call out for Momma and Dadda when they wake up in the morning or when they want to be held. We have girls that tonight I put to bed all 4 all by myself! Birth mom reported today that while they were on visit she saw some awesome behaviors (in the non-sarcastic way) out of the girls that she was very happy to see. We are instilling a routine, lots of love, and oh so much consistency (something that both the 3 year old and the soon to be 3 year old wish I would forget).
So all of that being said here are some things that I have learned-
1. Trash bags for foster kids are a real thing. It's wrong. It doesn't communicate worth. I get that it's easy but it hurts this momma's heart
2. Good gravy there are a lot of appointments. Grateful that we have flexible schedules and that a lot of the therapies can now come to the house...cool. We are use to a revolving front door so that makes life easier and kind of cool
3. Your phone will ring all the time. The other night from end of dinner to bedtime (about 3 hours) I had 37 missed calls/texts. Some case workers, some therapists, some people wanting to help, some work...it's all good. It's all beautiful. It's just a lot.
4. Naptimes and Bedtimes are a must...they make us all sain. Jesus is more important than both but I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have skipped some times with Jesus and slept or had my deep conversations for the day with Jesus in a much needed alone hot shower.
5. Coffee and a good planner are next on the list of essentials. There is ALWAYS something to put on the calendar. Have 6 kids and its constant. The only time I got really grumpy over the last 6 days was the morning I went in and poured my coffee and there was no creamer. I thought about curling up in a ball and rocking myself to sleep but I did what any other mom would do and I loaded all those kiddos up when I took one of our teenagers to work and they all fell asleep so we kept driving. We went to starbucks, I got coffee...they slept and husband cleaned the house...I kept driving...it was BEAUTIFUL! Coffee and Planners...non-negotiables
6. Community is important. Community makes it possible to pee and all kids still be alive. Community makes it possible to be there when you are scared to be alone. Community cooks, community cleans, community organizes, community reaches out and does even when you don't know what to ask for. We may be the ones parenting and in the trenches but it is so much more fun with lots of people in the trenches too.
7. Hardest part of all of this...not posting pictures on Facebook of their beautiful faces...I want to spam your whole entire newsfeed with lots and lots of pictures but instead you get an occasional picture of the back of their head...you are welcome. But one day, if the Lord is willing you will get to see the front of their face :)
Every night when L1 and L2 go to bed and if they are restless or crying I get on the baby monitor and tell them that they are so brave, so loved, and so safe. I have now been doing this every night so it now works to calm them at the doctor or today when they were leaving with the parent aid to go to their visit and L1 was confident she was moving on to another foster home and my heart broke. But I assured her she was brave and that as soon as the visit was over she would be coming back. I will never forget the look on their face when they got out of the car today after their visit and knowing that they got to come back. L2's face lit up with the biggest smile and she embraced me and nuzzled her curly head right into my chest. We were all right where we should be. Today after the girls left for their visit Miss K was really quiet (not typical when her and I are in the car) We got to 291 and she said where are my sisters? I explained where they were going and what they were doing (developmentally appropriate style) and there was a long pause....she then said I really miss my sisters when will they be back? So all the sibling bickering, the learning to share, and the power struggles between L1 and Miss K...and Miss K still 10 minutes in wanted them back. When they showed back up this afternoon she was So excited too...till someone had a toy she wanted (such the life of a 3 year old).
All this being said- we are grateful, we are surviving, we are making head way. We know there will be rough days ahead. There will be triggers as milestones approach. There will be regression. There will be tears (on all of our parts). But there will be love...lots and lots of love. We are adjusting, we are figuring it out, we make no claims to be excelling...we just taking it one day at a time, liking each day a little more then the last and each day figuring out our new normal. But we have attached...we love them and we want them to be our forever family...a very dangerous attachment to make in the world of foster care but we know even if this is short term this is the only kind of love we have to offer. When we love, we only know how to love forever... This kind of love is what gets us through the hard days and lets us fight for what they need.
We are doing our best to love all of our children and each other selflessly and with everything in us.
God is at work in this home...may He always get all of the glory!
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