I should be sitting in church this morning but I am not, I am sitting in a coffee shop listening to worship music, journaling, and praying...not just praying, but fervently praying...the kind of praying where you lay your heart out, your emotions deep, and everything in you yearns to be heard...it's a crying out kind of praying...it's a desperation prayer...it's passionate...
This week at work has been one of the most draining not just in hours, but emotionally. There has been more drama than I can stay on top of, there have been more "problems" in kids lives, the poverty, the dysfunction, the drugs, the sex, the addictions, the parents that don't care, the parents that have a false view of their children, the brokenness...it's almost too much for this heart to bare...I battle with worldly emotions of anger, sleepiness, and just wanting someone to blame...I want to blame the parents, I want to blame the schools, I want to blame our community, I want to blame media, our culture...and the tears come and I find myself weeping in our brokenness and knowing that those are not the answers.
I am reading a book called The Passionate Mom and in one section of her book she talks about how the passionate mom is full of passion (which leads a mom to action) and prayer for her child. I can't help but as I read this book I am constantly using it in ministry too (not just in parenting). I find myself as a momma bear finding that passion and the prayer for my children, your children, our children as a community, and God's children...
I think since having a baby girl I have become even more passionate about girls and the things they endure on a daily basis. It brings great fear to think of what one day Kadence will have to endure (I'm sure she'll be fine since she will never leave the house ;)) It doesn't help that in this season of my work life I have been blessed with some dynamite young women!
This morning there are a few girls on my heart that I can't shake the need to cry on their behalf. There are a few girls that the mere utter of their name brings my heart to a heaping mess! They might not be my biological daughters or my adopted daughters but my heart knows no difference. My heart loves them, is passionate about them, and prays for them in the way I feel a mother should. If I could tell them anything and have it not go unheard and have it resonate in their hearts forever this is what I would say...
You are Beautiful: Not in the worlds sense of beauty but in the deepest since of beauty. You are loyal, compassionate, energetic, and full of life. I see you and your smiles radiate my soul. You give me hope! Your beauty is in your kindness and your love for others. You are broken but your heart is still pure. The world has been cruel to you but you are still beautiful to your core both inside and out. I wish that you could see your beauty and love yourself the way I find myself loving you.
I'm sorry: I'm sorry for parts of your journey that seem so painful that I don't know how to comfort you through them. Seeing your pain makes me weep. Seeing your tears and how the world has hurt you, hurts me. I wish there was a hug big enough to take this pain away. I know that you need more, I know you need the love of a compassionate God to hold you and wipe your tears and that Kylie's hugs and coffee dates are just not enough to heal the wounds that are so deep and so wide. I'm sorry for the addictions you suffer from. I'm sorry boys have hurt you to the depth that they have. I'm sorry girls are cruel and you can't find true friends. I am sorry you have parents that are selfish or are wrapped up in their own addictions or relationships and you feel like they can't see you. I'm sorry for the pain you endure and the hatred you have of yourself. I am sorry for the shame you carry around because of the choices you have made. I am sorry you are scared, that you feel stuck, and that you have been hurt by this crazy world...I wish I could show you the power of forgiveness. I wish I could show you the depth of God's love to heal the wounds, to take away the shame, and to heal the most destructive relationships and addictions in your life.
You are loved: I love you, I can't deny it...my love for you is real, deep, and passionate. For whatever reason you have been put in my life and I love you the way a mother should love a child. Your stories pain me and I wish that I could just make the pain go away. I, in the wise old woman way, passionately believe that God is pulling you close to Him. There are a few of you that know that full well and are running confidently in the other direction and that's okay. He is even more passionate about you than I am and he is more patient too (although that doesn't take much-lol). My love, and even more so God's love, for you is so hard for you to grasp because our society has thrown the word love around so foolishly that you have a warped since of what love is when I tell you that I love you and when I tell you that God loves you it means something different than when that boy who told you he loved you and then the next day slept with your best friend...that was and will never be love. We don't love you in the way you love your favorite television show or your favorite food. They are not words that I throw around lightly. They are words that keep me up at all hours of the night praying for you. They are words that when you walk through the front door after school and I can't wait to hear everything that happened to you during your day. They are words that make your tears my tears, and your laughter my laughter. These words make me fight for you, even when you have stopped fighting for yourself. These words compel me to show up and be there for the long haul...not for just this week but for the weeks and years to come. These words lead me to not give up on you, even when you have given up on you. These words mean something...you may not know it today but I pray that one day that you will know the truth that you are loved.
These girls make me excited and scared for what it will be like to have a teenage daughter...If I am this torn up about the girls in my life today I can not even fathom the depth of my prayers, tears, and love for Kadence as she continues to grow. I am blessed to be a praying momma. I would not trade these tears or the sleepless night for any of my "daughters".
God is working in a mighty way...will you join me in praying for our daughters in our community...
Praying with you!
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