So I usually use this blog to write about my journey with my daughter but today it's work...Today God is working through the vulnerability of a sign.
I got the proof. It came. The sign. The sign that says Pro Deo Youth Center. It has our logo. It's going up for the world to see. It's an accomplishment that I have waited for since 2009. I am so excited that I can hardly stand it. God has been blessing Pro Deo abundantly these last 5 years and this year is no different. Pro Deo is growing, changing, improving, and figuring it out...I have been all in from day one. From the first trip to the police station with the girl who was reporting a rape and she detailed every last detail of that horrific night and my ears that were hearing if for the first time. I sat in a room with a police officer and heard the vulnerability of her story. She was brave and I was scared. From the countless girls that have taken pregnancy test in my bathroom. To the kids that I have sat in their hospital rooms after they attempted suicide. To the girls nights that looking back were some of my favorite times. To the amount of coffee that has been drank for the sake of getting to the bottom of hearing a kids life story. From the break up stories, the bullying, the abuse, the brokenness. Their stories have changed me, burdened me, and the love and respect I have for them and the journey that they are on is indiscribable. The LEAST I can do for them is to be 100% sold for this cause. When they graduate from HS they call us, when they get their grades up our phone rings, when the heartache comes they reach out to us, when they get grounded they still desperately long to be with us, when they get scared they reach out to us. It is not because we have created a dynamite program that you can't find anywhere else. I truly feel that it's because every kid that walks through my door is loved. They are loved despite their label that society has given them. Thief, druggie, nerd, slut, whore, gay, poor, snob, theater kid...come one...come all my arms are open. Come and bare your soul and I will wrap my arms around you. I will listen, be burdened and take your story to the only person I know who can heal you, Jesus. Along the way I hope to make you laugh, I hope to give you the resources you need and help you succeed in life but if you walk away with NOTHING else the fact that your story was heard and you knew you were loved is enough for me.
So the vulnerability of the sign...
I'm scared of what a sign means. A sign means we can be found. Up to this point if you knew about Pro Deo it's because someone brought you or told you. A sign allows for all to stop in and find Pro Deo for themselves. This is exciting because it means that kids and parents alike can find us and it's not this abstract thing of where we are. With this it also mean more community partners needed, more case management needed, more staff, more volunteers.
A sign means it's not just Kylie and Andy's baby that can eb and flow with wherever we go. It means that it is rooted in the community, that it is here to stay. It means that on bad days I can't dream of packing up shop and moving the whole operation to Hawaii- lol. The community is just as invested as Kylie and Andy to love these teens. They are on the front lines too!
A sign means training. It means training for my volunteers and staff and people in our community so that they know how to give the same kind of attention and love that Kylie desires every teen that walks through the door to have. It means creating a safe environment despite the labels. Creating a safe place even if your archenemies is in the same room. It means helping teens break down the walls and become vulnerable as well.
The vulnerability of the sign really means...
If I am completely honest and vulnerable my biggest fear of putting the sign up is that what happens in the event if Pro Deo ever fails and has to close its doors. Then there's that sign looming for all to see where one family put their hopes and dreams. It will be a symbol of where kids used to go to be heard, be challenged, and loved. Before if Pro Deo closed up shop teenagers would have been effected (it would have been just as devastating) but they would have half expected it because they are used to being abandoned by people in their journey. But now it wouldn't just be teens effected. Pro Deo has become such a community endeavor that teens, churches, businesses, community leaders, and community members would all be effected. It would be a sad day! I am fearful because not a single other youth center has succeeded in lees summit since 1960 or 70's I think they tell me (people like to tell me this). Many have tried, many have failed. I know this, I am aware and yet I still ordered the sign.
So the sign brings fear for me, it also brings trust, excitement, and ready for what God has on this journey. I am already praying for the teens we will meet this summer and next fall. Already praying for the volunteers that will step forward, for the donors that will feel led to give and make our dreams a reality and praying for the community that has acknowledge that the teens in Lee's Summit are worth investing in. They are worth being vulnerable with. They are worth the late nights, the countless facebook messages and text messages. They are worth the tears. They are worth the smiles. They are worth the joy that their presence brings to our community.
The sign for me is me being brave. I'm being brave, trusting that God's got this! I am trusting that He is in control and all my fears of growth and what's to come is beautiful to Jesus.
So for everyone else Pro Deo gets a sign that has our name, that lights up in the dark, and looks super cool...for Kylie it's a symbol of following Jesus with reckless abandonment and and putting all my hopes, dreams, and desires into what He is doing and the sign is a symbol of my trust in Him.
I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that this sign is a reminder of just how small I am and how big Jesus is...The sign leaves me feeling vulnerable
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Sex, Church, and a few things in between...
So, I was planning on blogging today but my topic was going to be completely different until I just got out of church.
This morning's service could have been cut up into about a whole years worth of study for me because I found myself taking bits and pieces of the sermon and chewing on it for a few minutes and then rejoining the sermon and this happened multiple times. So bear with me if my thoughts are everywhere-
This morning's service was about sex and I love the topic of sex and love the taboo of it when it's talked about from the pulpit so I was hooked from the beginning. I found myself during church having to silence my inner black church girl wanting to say Amen and Preach it brother while our pastor was talking. I remember at one point when he was talking longing that some of my teens were in the room. I long for others that don't have a relationship with Christ to understand and experience sex from a godly, loving, spiritual relationship in the covenant of marriage. It made me sad for marriages I know that have the marriage thing going for them but still don't have the Jesus thing and they are STILL missing out on this. There are countless teens out there that love and parade around about their sex life...and so many times I want to tell them if you only knew the beauty that could exist with this. Our world has settled and made something incredibly intimate and beautiful disgusting and shameful. Girls all over the world are scared of sex, made to feel disgusting by it, and taken advantage of in the name of sex...I remember one time joking around with a girl telling her that sex in marriage was worship to Jesus and us both laughing about it...except I wasn't joking. I also feel a sense of urgency that we communicate to our children that we are raising in godly homes that sex is not something we can't talk about. Sex in movies and on BET is not what I want my daughter to know and relate to in the realm of sex. This means that we have to work on how we do sex education, how we communicate sex with our friends, in our marriage, in our churches, and to our children. It is not enough that teens learn about condoms, anatomy, and their reproductive system. I would love to see a generation that is raised to be passionate about God and sex in a healthy and loving way. I wish that sex on your wedding night was anticipated in our culture the way a first car, the 18th birthday, or even the 21st birthday...but even that doesn't do it justice. It makes me sad that our culture has settled for something cheap, lacking intimacy, and vulgar as their concept of sex.
I can't finish that topic because my brain is still baking all of it's thoughts on it- so on to my next thought :)
During church they read the passage in Ephesians 5: 21 about wives submitting to their husbands and I don't know if I just sat in the noisy section but as soon as the passage started there was grumbling in the rows around me and snickering. It was much my reaction a long time ago when I first stumbled upon it. You want me to do what? Why? Are you crazy? I am woman hear me roar kind of a moment, shake your fist at the bible kind of a moment. I've been there. But to be where I am today...to have the marriage that I have today...I can tell you there is nothing more beautiful than to watch Ephesians 5: 21-33 play out in your marriage. Yes women submit- but that doesn't make you a doormat. That doesn't make you any less worthy. That doesn't take your value away to submit to your husband. Then Ephesians go on and as much as I am called to submit, my husband is called to love me like Christ loves the church...THAT IS A HUGE CALLING! These things we are called to do in Ephesians are not easy, they are not cheap, they are not things I can wake up and just do and pat myself on the back at the end of the night for a job well done. Truly living out Ephesians in your marriage is work. It takes effort. It take mutual love of Christ and love for God's word. They are both roles of dying to yourself, it's humility. It's passion for another being...Gah....my body and brain are overflowing with thoughts about this morning
If someone was here for me to process all of these thoughts with- my blog probably would be less all over the place (no guarantees). Just know that I am a girl that has grown to love the word submit. I am a girl that has grown to love Ephesians 5 (when I first got my Bible I would have preferred if that chapter would have been deleted). I am a girl that is crazy passionate about my husband, and I am a girl that knows the beauty of a God bathed marriage. It is not easy, we still screw it up daily, but it is beauty that no one could have adequately described to make me see it as such till walking through it.
I hope and pray that one day all of my teen girls will also experience a God bathed marriage. I pray for Kadence even now that one day she will grow up and have a husband that loves Jesus and loves her like Christ loves the church and that she will not be scared of the word submission and will not feel that her value is connected or lessened by her ability to die to herself.
Now I am off to bake so that I can process more of this stuff...arguably should have done that first- lol
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
The FUN mom...
We decided when we started this journey adopting Kadence that we were going to make this a public event. We decided that we needed prayers and we needed to be vulnerable with the online community because if there were other "researchers" out there that maybe my journey, struggles, and honest chats through life might be helpful. And even if they aren't helpful to anyone else they are very therapeutic for myself :)
At this point we have crossed the year mark and no longer can I say a year ago I was preparing for Kadence and the fear that was in that. A year ago I was cuddling a little bundle, enjoying maternity leave, and binge watching private practice on Netflix. It was a simple time, a relaxing time (mainly cause I had an easy baby- I am aware that a lot of people this is not their experience). I also got to spend two weeks doing this with my husband, no other priorities except for our family. In our six years of marriage, besides our honeymoon, we had never spent this much uninterrupted time together.
A year later: jobs have picked back up, responsibilities returned and there are times when life is crazy but I still wouldn't change it for the world! Most people see my life and think wow that girl is busy, how does she have time for (fill in the blank)? Recently I had a woman say she had been watching my photos on facebook and she wondered how did I have time for all that fun? I had another mom say that she wished that I would stop posting pics of fun things because it makes her feel bad that she doesn't do any of that stuff with her kids and it was making her feel bad. As much as these women are telling the truth and our curious and saying it as loving and with humor as they can, I start reflecting...and here are some of my thoughts I have come up with-
* My degree is elementary/early childhood...I don't think it was my degree as much as the way my body is wired. Jesus called me to work with Teens, it was not my choosing(although I love it). Jesus called me to be an executive, that was not my choosing(all though I love it too). So I will forever be the girl in the board room with flipflops on and if my husband would let me I would resemble more of Ms. Frizzle than any non-profit could possibly handle. So, that results in my brain being over stimulated by raising a child. I go to target and I might be there for just milk but it instantly turns into a sensory play date where we are looking for things that are soft, rough, loud, quiet, etc. It has instantly turned into our playground and it cost me nothing (minus the cost of milk and maybe a thing or two from the dollar bins ;)) My life thinks in classroom management even if I only have one kid. I have books/toys etc separated by season. I see trash (like a velveta box we had yesterday) and it's just going in the trash but before it gets there I give it to Kadence (and ultimately Jada) and see what they can do with it. Can Kadence put the box together? Can she take it apart? Can she hide things in it? I tell you all of this so that you can see I am constantly thinking of activities and play things to do with Kadence. It is not something that takes "work" it just happens.
*How much time does it really take? I get the question all of the time how do I have time for all the things that we do? We play hard at our house, we work hard at our house, but we also relax hard at our house too. Most of the things we do happen around things we would do anyways. We are taking a bath anyway- what can I do to make it more fun? I keep food coloring in the bathroom (I know odd) but then I just add it to the water and any bath instantly becomes fun. Last night I did a 30 second run through of the house and picked up anything green ( a mountain dew bottle that was empty, two quick trip lids that were green, 3 ball pit balls, and 3 mega blocks all green). We instantly had a St. Patty's celebration in the tub. It took all of 30 seconds and it was fun not just for her but for us too. Would she have enjoyed her tub just as much without all of that- sure but why not? The other component that plays into our life is that my husband has a crazy shift and every other weekend we barely get to see him between sleep and work. So every other week I play single mom for the weekend. It is exhausting, hard, and by the end of the weekend we are all ready for daddy to be home and I am forever grateful that it's just a weekend and that I am not indeed a single mom. But if my focus for the weekend was surviving through the weekend I would be miserable. My interactions with Kadence would be mediocre at best. The environment in our house would be depressing and ugly. Instead those weekends have now become some very special moments to me. We have girls days- we go shopping, we paint our toes, we do our "really messy" stuff then. When nap time comes and I should be doing housework I sit in silence, breathe deeply and count my blessings. When Kadence wakes from her nap we are both refreshed and ready to play more. If I need to work or do house work I save that till she is asleep at night (or lets be honest put it off till the next day). It might not work for everyone but it makes our weekend when Andy is working fun, and when he gets off on Monday we are not useless heaps of mess that needs to be put back together. I am still exhausted but it is not because I am stressed or it's too much it's because we played hard and we (kadence, Jada, and I) were not designed to not have daddy around :)
* My husband is amazing! The reason we are also able to get so much done (not that this is what we are striving for it is just what we get told all the time) is because andy is a hard worker too. I am in a few moms groups on facebook and it is so disheartening to me to read all the women that are longing for their husbands to just engage in raising their kids. They long for their husband to do something, anything around the house. I read them and to me it's a disconnect. My husband is a great dad, worker, volunteer in the community, and house worker. He is not idle. It probably helps that he is not a sports man, video game man, etc. 9 times out of 10 it's Andy who starts the laundry, it's Andy who puts the dishes away. I am blessed and I know it. We make a great team and I know that there are a ton of women out there that wish their husband was active either around the house or with the kids. So, I guess another reason "I" am able to get so much done is because it's not really "I" that is doing everything. My husband takes a GREAT deal of weight off my plate by doing things off my to do list, things around the house, and raising Kadence WITH me.
* I have waited a LONG time to be this mom! From the time I was a little girl I rocked baby dolls. If we played house I wanted to be the mommy. If you played house with me you were always the daddy or the kids. When I was in college I was watching moms in the local church and taking note of the type of mom I wanted to be. My whole journey I was reflecting on how to be a mom, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be...etc. So at least 23 years in the making I have been waiting for this season of my life and doing some intense training for this time in my life. So I have 23 years of thoughts on how to be a mom that are now running crazy from by brain.
* I don't work from 9-5. I have an amazing family and co-workers and a great job! I work 40-60 (sometimes more and those are the weeks I am not proud of) hours a week depending on the week. However my hours rarely happen straight in a row (which for my ADD is a blessing). So this looks like getting up before everyone else in my house and returning emails before people get into work. It means during nap time I spread out my computer bag, return phone calls, and manage projects. It means on Andy's days off I slip away to the coffee shop so that I can work start to finish on certain projects, have meetings, and do a lot of admin tasks for my job. Then on other days that I need to work that I can't take Kadence with me I have an amazing family that steps up to the plate to snuggle and play with Miss Kadence. I know that we are blessed because Andy and I both have full time jobs and yet we have still managed to not have Kadence in daycare, a rare blessing. I also have a great support system of staff and volunteers that if something arises and I can't slip away I have people that can step up to the plate in my absence.
I tell you all of that to tell you we don't "DO IT ALL" at our house nor is Kylie a "SUPER WOMAN". I am just a girl that Jesus decided was wired to me a mom and a wife. He called me to ministry with teenagers and somewhere along the way in this season of my life they all merged onto the same path. Andy and I feel incredibly blessed to be where we are in life and see God answering prayers left and right. We are blessed that at this season in our life we can have the life that we have. IF I was still teaching in public school my life would not look like it does today. IF our organization had not grown to where we have a larger base of staff and volunteers my life would not look like it does today. I am grateful that at just the right time God answered our prayers and that all along when I thought he was saying no He was just putting things into place so that I could be the mom, wife, and leader that he wanted ME to be today. I'm leaning into this journey and having so much fun! God is so good!
Perspective and reflecting are great tools to have as a mom!
Sincerely the "Fun" mom :)
At this point we have crossed the year mark and no longer can I say a year ago I was preparing for Kadence and the fear that was in that. A year ago I was cuddling a little bundle, enjoying maternity leave, and binge watching private practice on Netflix. It was a simple time, a relaxing time (mainly cause I had an easy baby- I am aware that a lot of people this is not their experience). I also got to spend two weeks doing this with my husband, no other priorities except for our family. In our six years of marriage, besides our honeymoon, we had never spent this much uninterrupted time together.
A year later: jobs have picked back up, responsibilities returned and there are times when life is crazy but I still wouldn't change it for the world! Most people see my life and think wow that girl is busy, how does she have time for (fill in the blank)? Recently I had a woman say she had been watching my photos on facebook and she wondered how did I have time for all that fun? I had another mom say that she wished that I would stop posting pics of fun things because it makes her feel bad that she doesn't do any of that stuff with her kids and it was making her feel bad. As much as these women are telling the truth and our curious and saying it as loving and with humor as they can, I start reflecting...and here are some of my thoughts I have come up with-
* My degree is elementary/early childhood...I don't think it was my degree as much as the way my body is wired. Jesus called me to work with Teens, it was not my choosing(although I love it). Jesus called me to be an executive, that was not my choosing(all though I love it too). So I will forever be the girl in the board room with flipflops on and if my husband would let me I would resemble more of Ms. Frizzle than any non-profit could possibly handle. So, that results in my brain being over stimulated by raising a child. I go to target and I might be there for just milk but it instantly turns into a sensory play date where we are looking for things that are soft, rough, loud, quiet, etc. It has instantly turned into our playground and it cost me nothing (minus the cost of milk and maybe a thing or two from the dollar bins ;)) My life thinks in classroom management even if I only have one kid. I have books/toys etc separated by season. I see trash (like a velveta box we had yesterday) and it's just going in the trash but before it gets there I give it to Kadence (and ultimately Jada) and see what they can do with it. Can Kadence put the box together? Can she take it apart? Can she hide things in it? I tell you all of this so that you can see I am constantly thinking of activities and play things to do with Kadence. It is not something that takes "work" it just happens.
*How much time does it really take? I get the question all of the time how do I have time for all the things that we do? We play hard at our house, we work hard at our house, but we also relax hard at our house too. Most of the things we do happen around things we would do anyways. We are taking a bath anyway- what can I do to make it more fun? I keep food coloring in the bathroom (I know odd) but then I just add it to the water and any bath instantly becomes fun. Last night I did a 30 second run through of the house and picked up anything green ( a mountain dew bottle that was empty, two quick trip lids that were green, 3 ball pit balls, and 3 mega blocks all green). We instantly had a St. Patty's celebration in the tub. It took all of 30 seconds and it was fun not just for her but for us too. Would she have enjoyed her tub just as much without all of that- sure but why not? The other component that plays into our life is that my husband has a crazy shift and every other weekend we barely get to see him between sleep and work. So every other week I play single mom for the weekend. It is exhausting, hard, and by the end of the weekend we are all ready for daddy to be home and I am forever grateful that it's just a weekend and that I am not indeed a single mom. But if my focus for the weekend was surviving through the weekend I would be miserable. My interactions with Kadence would be mediocre at best. The environment in our house would be depressing and ugly. Instead those weekends have now become some very special moments to me. We have girls days- we go shopping, we paint our toes, we do our "really messy" stuff then. When nap time comes and I should be doing housework I sit in silence, breathe deeply and count my blessings. When Kadence wakes from her nap we are both refreshed and ready to play more. If I need to work or do house work I save that till she is asleep at night (or lets be honest put it off till the next day). It might not work for everyone but it makes our weekend when Andy is working fun, and when he gets off on Monday we are not useless heaps of mess that needs to be put back together. I am still exhausted but it is not because I am stressed or it's too much it's because we played hard and we (kadence, Jada, and I) were not designed to not have daddy around :)
* My husband is amazing! The reason we are also able to get so much done (not that this is what we are striving for it is just what we get told all the time) is because andy is a hard worker too. I am in a few moms groups on facebook and it is so disheartening to me to read all the women that are longing for their husbands to just engage in raising their kids. They long for their husband to do something, anything around the house. I read them and to me it's a disconnect. My husband is a great dad, worker, volunteer in the community, and house worker. He is not idle. It probably helps that he is not a sports man, video game man, etc. 9 times out of 10 it's Andy who starts the laundry, it's Andy who puts the dishes away. I am blessed and I know it. We make a great team and I know that there are a ton of women out there that wish their husband was active either around the house or with the kids. So, I guess another reason "I" am able to get so much done is because it's not really "I" that is doing everything. My husband takes a GREAT deal of weight off my plate by doing things off my to do list, things around the house, and raising Kadence WITH me.
* I have waited a LONG time to be this mom! From the time I was a little girl I rocked baby dolls. If we played house I wanted to be the mommy. If you played house with me you were always the daddy or the kids. When I was in college I was watching moms in the local church and taking note of the type of mom I wanted to be. My whole journey I was reflecting on how to be a mom, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be...etc. So at least 23 years in the making I have been waiting for this season of my life and doing some intense training for this time in my life. So I have 23 years of thoughts on how to be a mom that are now running crazy from by brain.
* I don't work from 9-5. I have an amazing family and co-workers and a great job! I work 40-60 (sometimes more and those are the weeks I am not proud of) hours a week depending on the week. However my hours rarely happen straight in a row (which for my ADD is a blessing). So this looks like getting up before everyone else in my house and returning emails before people get into work. It means during nap time I spread out my computer bag, return phone calls, and manage projects. It means on Andy's days off I slip away to the coffee shop so that I can work start to finish on certain projects, have meetings, and do a lot of admin tasks for my job. Then on other days that I need to work that I can't take Kadence with me I have an amazing family that steps up to the plate to snuggle and play with Miss Kadence. I know that we are blessed because Andy and I both have full time jobs and yet we have still managed to not have Kadence in daycare, a rare blessing. I also have a great support system of staff and volunteers that if something arises and I can't slip away I have people that can step up to the plate in my absence.
I tell you all of that to tell you we don't "DO IT ALL" at our house nor is Kylie a "SUPER WOMAN". I am just a girl that Jesus decided was wired to me a mom and a wife. He called me to ministry with teenagers and somewhere along the way in this season of my life they all merged onto the same path. Andy and I feel incredibly blessed to be where we are in life and see God answering prayers left and right. We are blessed that at this season in our life we can have the life that we have. IF I was still teaching in public school my life would not look like it does today. IF our organization had not grown to where we have a larger base of staff and volunteers my life would not look like it does today. I am grateful that at just the right time God answered our prayers and that all along when I thought he was saying no He was just putting things into place so that I could be the mom, wife, and leader that he wanted ME to be today. I'm leaning into this journey and having so much fun! God is so good!
Perspective and reflecting are great tools to have as a mom!
Sincerely the "Fun" mom :)
Sunday, February 23, 2014
She's one...tear
Parking in this spot a year ago was the start to the most incredible journey...I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would have the honor or privilege of parking in this spot. It was something that I coveted- I know trivial- but for me it symbolized everything I couldn't be. I couldn't conceive therefore I couldn't be a mommy yet that is what my soul cried out for. There are days where I wish I could go back to that hospital room, on that joyous day and take her into my arms again for the first time. When she was laid in my arms for the first time, there was no emotion to put into words what I was feeling. I had protected my heart and guarded it and prepared it for the worse case scenario (I also read plenty of horrific adoption blog posts to prepare me for anything negative that could come- I am so optimistic). I couldn't picture my life past each moment in that hospital. As we got snowed in and our journey in the hospital continued...I loved being right there. If I went back to that room, and they put her in my arms today, and I knew then what I know now...that she would be mine forever...I probably would have had a whole different set of emotions. Maybe it was actually good cause I probably would have scared Kadence and the nursing staff-lol.
I look back on this journey and there are no words for the things I have seen God do over the past year or the years leading up to this expierince. I have no doubt that all of my tears and yelling at God were heard. I have no doubt that those fall on your face moments before Jesus out of desperation were all preparing me for this journey that I now call motherhood. I have no doubt when I cried out to God while listening to While I'm Waiting by John Waller that God heard my heart, he took my tears, he molded my heart to be in a place where I could be not just "A MOM" but to be "THIS MOM" THIS mom doesn't take things for granted, THIS mom has loved every second of this year, THIS mom knows what life would be like without this little girl and is something I never want to experience again. Looking back I am glad that God didn't answer my prayers in the order that I had requested. I love that in His time table my job, my family, my church, my marriage, and me were all ready at just the right time. Because of His perfect timing I have been able to be fully present with Kadence. My marriage was able to grow to a place where adding to our family was a blessing and not a stressor. Our families have grown to such a place where I usually have a baby sitter, even on short chaotic moments. My job grew to where we weren't running a youth center out of our home anymore which is a huge blessing and we were able to bring on staff which has given me more flexibility in being a mom. I didn't see all of this prep work when I was walking in the pain. What I saw was what I didn't have. I saw what I needed and wanted and that was it. On any given day I was 2.5 seconds a way from throwing a terrible temper tantrum. Here I am many moons later and almost laughing at how bad I longed for Kadence and how confident I was that God had forgotten me...maybe my prayers had just hit the ceiling because I couldn't see Him working. But a year and 12 weeks later (from the first meeting of the birth mom) I am left here saying to God you are so much greater that I am. He knew better and he was at work even when I couldn't see it. I am glad He didn't give up on me when I was frustrated with Him. I am glad He was patient with me when I was throwing a fit. And I am glad that he has held me and helped me through all the highs and lows of this past year. He has never left me. He has never stopped working on my behalf. He has never stopped molding me, preparing me, or loving me. As we transition from having a baby to a toddler(although I am not ready to admit it) I can't help but feel my role of Kadence's mom is shifting. I am going from cuddles, feeding, and diapers to more of a relationship like my Heavenly Father has with me. It is now our job as parents to not give up when we get frustrated in the years to come (I hear parenting teens suck-lol), We are to be patient with her when she is throwing a temper tantrum, we will help her through the highs and lows that will come in her life directing her evermore to the love of her savior. We will keep molding her, preparing her and loving her every day for the rest of her life. As much as the first year of Kadence's life has taught me about my own spiritual journey and healing all these areas in my own journey...I kind of feel like God telling me to pull up my bootstraps and that this cuddly wuddly photogenic baby needs more from us than facebook photos, rocking, food, and snuggles. Here's to a life of living out our faith before and with our baby girl. Here's to the journey of teaching, listening, learning, and loving this beautiful human that God has so graciously called MY DAUGHTER!
Here are some highlights you might not know about Kadence:
She can say- well pretty much anything you can say-lol. But Daddy, Mommy, Jada (ada), Grandma (baba), drink (dink), thank you (ank u) , please (ease), cheese (although she can't figure out if that is food or something you do for the camera). And uh-oh which she will say right before she throws something on the ground-lol. But really anything you say she tries to repeat...
She gets excited when elmo comes on, loves phones and taking selfies. She loves to dance and has about as much dancing skills at 1 as I have at 30. She loves to eat- I haven't found anything she doesn't like yet. She has moved to just having formula at morning and night and the rest of the day is on whole milk. She is still taking two naps (praying that stays for many many years-lol).
She loves when daddy comes home from work and absolutely loves her sister Jada and LOVES feeding her from the high chair (something that mommy is trying to break)
She has 8 teeth, is standing on her own (only for a sec or two), and loves to cruise around the house in her walker like a little old woman. She likes feeding herself, taking baths, and anything she can do independently.
She loves rocking stuffed animals and looking at herself in the mirror.
Books are her favorite. She loves to be read to (Daddy has the best story times- her favorite being nugget and fang by tami sauer) and she likes to read on her own at any chance she gets.
She loves ice cream. She also knows what food comes on so when you go into the kitchen to get a plate she starts MMMMMing and begging for food-lol
We made it a whole year without buying diapers. No Joke! God is good and every time I thought we would run out another box would appear! We have been blessed beyond belief in the past year.
All in all she is a happy girl and fills our life with so much joy and excitement !
If I could tell you anything through my journey these past few years and especially this year is that God is GOOD! He IS working. He IS healing. His grace is amazing and he provides, and loves in ways I never new possible...and this girl right here LOVES her little girl! Kadence Anaya mommy and daddy can't think of anything more in life we want thank to be your mommy and daddy and watch you grow up and love Jesus.
Ahhhhh....Happy Birthday Baby Girl!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
I thought I loved you then...
So, can you believe Miss K is almost one? I can't! This week a year ago I was preparing to see her for the first time on a sonogram and a year later here she sits next to me as I type this munching on her banana and feeding the ones she doesn't want to Jada.
Last year I loved the idea of Miss K, I love the thought of having a baby girl. I love the thought of being a mommy and Andy being a daddy. I loved the idea of bows, tutus, and everything pink. I was all in and ready for the ride of a lifetime :)
The things I longed for are great! I do love having a baby girl. She feels like she was destined to be mine. I love Andy and I as mommy and daddy. We make a great team and our love for each other has grown and deepened in ways I didn't know it could. We have lived up to the bows, tutus and lots of pink...but there is so much more!
I didn't know then that I was going to love all her funny babbling. I love how she joins in the conversation just like we can understand everything she is saying. I love how she loves on Jada and wants to play with her all the time. I love how she is curious about the smallest details and how she is determined to do things even when they look hard or challenging. I love her excitement when she tries new foods and the faces she makes when she is not a fan. I love how she picks up on new tricks every day and wants to show them off for you. I love that in the mornings she wants nothing more than to cuddle with me (that's good because I need my cuddles in the mornings). I love as soon as she is done eating she rubs her grimy hands through her hair and then throws her excess food on the floor for Jada. I love that she treats our living room as a jungle gym and crawls over and over pillows, stuffed animals, or people depending on whats in her way...
I didn't know then that her tears would pierce my heart the way they do. I didn't know that when she was sick I would feel helpless and want nothing more than for her to feel better. I didn't know then that the mere presence of her would make me feel content. I didn't know that my evening routine was about to triple in length but that it would be some of the best moments in my whole day. I didn't know how hard changing an almost 1 year old's diaper would be. I didn't know how much of an independent little girl she would be...
I have been working on Miss K's baby book and it has officially made me a sap! I am obsessed with looking at it. I look at pictures of when we were in the hospital and I remember not wanting to take my eyes off of her. I remember just sleeping and holding her on my chest. I remember the first time getting to look at her. I then remember the 8 weeks that followed with lots of cuddling and netflix. I remember this summer getting to take her to the pool for the first time, sitting in the grass for the first time, and all of the firsts in between them. I remember when she rolled over for the first time and I made her do it over and over to make sure it was real. Then when she sat up for the first time, crawled, pulled up, and standing on her own...all of these times have been special. All of the first holidays, all of the meeting people for the first time, all of the things we have done over this past year and all the love that has filled our home! Then the song came on I thought I loved you then...and I couldn't help but think back to that hospital room and how full my heart was then to today and how I didn't know my heart could love her more and each day it grows more.
This has been a year worth all the tears, prayers, and waiting that led up to it. This year has been the most beautiful thing I have ever experience as a person, in my marriage, and as a family! Here's to many many more years of looking back and thinking, I thought I loved you then...and watching my love grow even more!
God is GOOD!
Last year I loved the idea of Miss K, I love the thought of having a baby girl. I love the thought of being a mommy and Andy being a daddy. I loved the idea of bows, tutus, and everything pink. I was all in and ready for the ride of a lifetime :)
The things I longed for are great! I do love having a baby girl. She feels like she was destined to be mine. I love Andy and I as mommy and daddy. We make a great team and our love for each other has grown and deepened in ways I didn't know it could. We have lived up to the bows, tutus and lots of pink...but there is so much more!
I didn't know then that I was going to love all her funny babbling. I love how she joins in the conversation just like we can understand everything she is saying. I love how she loves on Jada and wants to play with her all the time. I love how she is curious about the smallest details and how she is determined to do things even when they look hard or challenging. I love her excitement when she tries new foods and the faces she makes when she is not a fan. I love how she picks up on new tricks every day and wants to show them off for you. I love that in the mornings she wants nothing more than to cuddle with me (that's good because I need my cuddles in the mornings). I love as soon as she is done eating she rubs her grimy hands through her hair and then throws her excess food on the floor for Jada. I love that she treats our living room as a jungle gym and crawls over and over pillows, stuffed animals, or people depending on whats in her way...
I didn't know then that her tears would pierce my heart the way they do. I didn't know that when she was sick I would feel helpless and want nothing more than for her to feel better. I didn't know then that the mere presence of her would make me feel content. I didn't know that my evening routine was about to triple in length but that it would be some of the best moments in my whole day. I didn't know how hard changing an almost 1 year old's diaper would be. I didn't know how much of an independent little girl she would be...
I have been working on Miss K's baby book and it has officially made me a sap! I am obsessed with looking at it. I look at pictures of when we were in the hospital and I remember not wanting to take my eyes off of her. I remember just sleeping and holding her on my chest. I remember the first time getting to look at her. I then remember the 8 weeks that followed with lots of cuddling and netflix. I remember this summer getting to take her to the pool for the first time, sitting in the grass for the first time, and all of the firsts in between them. I remember when she rolled over for the first time and I made her do it over and over to make sure it was real. Then when she sat up for the first time, crawled, pulled up, and standing on her own...all of these times have been special. All of the first holidays, all of the meeting people for the first time, all of the things we have done over this past year and all the love that has filled our home! Then the song came on I thought I loved you then...and I couldn't help but think back to that hospital room and how full my heart was then to today and how I didn't know my heart could love her more and each day it grows more.
This has been a year worth all the tears, prayers, and waiting that led up to it. This year has been the most beautiful thing I have ever experience as a person, in my marriage, and as a family! Here's to many many more years of looking back and thinking, I thought I loved you then...and watching my love grow even more!
God is GOOD!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
What she didn't say...
I shared a link this morning to a woman who wrote about being a cop wife. It was one of the best written articles about my life that I have read in a long while. She hit some of the pain right on the head, some of the worry, and all of the pride. I too, like her, have one of the good ones and I am proud to call him my husband and daddy to our girls. I do not know how he sees the things he sees, deals with the crap he deals with and yet can still come home and be gentle, understanding, patient, and loving. With all of this said there are some things that she didn't touch on that we have found as part of our life that may just be true in our little world but thought it would give insight...
1. Have you ever tried leading grace with an ear piece in your ear? It goes something like "Dear heavenly father, thank you...BEEEP armed disturbance at the peanut and then his number" "En route" and just like that grace, dinner, and your 30 min e-call is over
2. Andy works midnights so after I have put Kadence to sleep, I have picked up the house, done whatever I needed to do, and head to bed I hear what sounds like a little mouse scurrying through the kitchen looking for a snack. Luckily, unlike a mouse, his duty boots are quite heavy so I always know who it is and it brings a sense of peace. I love midnight snack time, and although I pretend to be asleep it always put a smile on my face.
3. You learn to be comfortable with a gun around. I didn't grow up with a personal body guard but I must admit after the link I shared and seeing who re-posted it and seeing that all were women from my church whose husbands also are cops...makes me question how many guns are in any given church service. I used to think that was weird but now it is nothing that phases me. Even friday when I went out with the girls (one of them a cop) I was comfortable knowing that even at 54th street at any given point there was a gun in-between me and my friend so she can protect me (well and everyone else in the restaurant -lol)
4. You learn to have empathy when your husband sleeps through church. I have figured out that church is not real conducive to baby sleep schedules and/or husband that works midnights schedules. He tries so hard to come to church with us because he wants to be a spiritual leader, he knows that I value a family going to church together...so about every other week my hubby has a hard time making it through church but he does it and I think God is okay with it. I think God knows his heart, knows that Andy loves Him, and that he is being the best man he knows how to be.
5. On top of all the other scheduling "conflicts" that our life might bring about my husband also makes time to spend time with me, Kadence, go to the dog park with Jada, tutor over at the Langsford house, run PE once a week at Langsford house, mentor twice a week over at Hilltop, sit on the board of the Langsford house and Pro Deo, and then most days also give up sleep to drive our 15 passenger van full of teenagers home from our after school program. He does all of this, lacking sleep, and not complaining. He will also go out of his way to pick up co-workers, visit people in the hospital, stop by and see his brother while on duty (his brother is a fire fighter). My husbands heart is the biggest I have ever seen a man have. God showed off a little when he made Andy.
6. You also learn what dishes heat, reheat, and reheat well. When we first got married, I used to leave dinner out and try to keep it warm till he was able to stop in and have it. That was a joke. I learned very quickly that you might as well cook, clean, and put it in tupperware before he gets a chance to eat it. I don't know if it is just us but it always feels like dispatch knows as soon as andy has stepped foot in the door. I will have food in the microwave and I will hear him que up his mic. So just as quick as I heated up the meal, I am recovering and putting it back in the fridge. It doesn't even phase me anymore...it's just part of the routine.
7. I have learned to NOT listen to the police scanner. I am really good at it. I know all of the numbers, codes, and for the most part who is who...so I really can give a play by play of the whole thing the whole time Andy is at work. I even got good at multi tasking and watching tv and listening to the scanner. Over the years the scanner has taken a back burner of importance to my life. It only took one valentines day of making a surprise for andy and hearing a call come out of a car stop with an armed and dangerous man who had a gun...they call for a second...and there is just silence. I sat there praying that there was second en-route to him. The second car got there. There was still silence. My world froze and I just waited as the dispatchers asked 10-18 (are you okay-basically) and there was another long pause and in my head I am praying over and over again the words 10-19 (I'm okay-basically). I hear andy come on the air say 10-19 and one in custody and my heart finally started beating again, I went back to working on my valentines surprise and life was okay again. That was just one call, one night, and I decided I couldn't live my life in fear or attached to the scanner at all times. So the scanner has taken a back burner in our home.
8. To be a police wife (or a good one-in my opinion) you can not be a jealous woman. You have got to understand that 12 hours of his day he is going on calls with people, talking to people, doing foot patrol with people. There are many days when Andy has spent more time with his co-workers or even that pesky prisoner that all of a sudden needed to go to the hospital than me. You have got to understand that going on foot patrol with an officer is part of his job not a hot date, getting grinded on by drunk women at the local bar is annoying not appealing. Andy gets hit on by women (and men-lol) on duty. He is Hot in a uniform. I embrace it and actually am flattered that so many find him attractive...because at the end of the night (or in our case first thing in the morning) he comes home to ME. I know I have it good, and I am secure in our relationship so there is not time/space/room for jealousy. If you are going to make it as a police wife there can not be room in your relationship for those things either.
9. I love that I have girlfriends who are also police wives because it makes us understand each other when we have plans and are waiting on the boys to go out and one of us calls because one of the boys got held over. It is not the exception to the rule...it is just how girls nights go :)
10. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff, that arguing is not necessary, that kissing before he goes off to work is a necessity, and that days off need to truly be days off. That when he comes home as much as I want to vomit on him about my night, day, weekend, etc...he takes in everything that he does and doesn't vomit it all over me.
11. You get used to the phone calls of "What if I got arrested for this" "Is this illegal"or "Whats happening at blank and blank""Can you go check on". Inevitably those phone calls come during date night, family time, sleep, or my favorite at intimate moments but we have learned how to silence the phone, laugh at the calls, and ignore the incessant phone calls.
12. Three day work weeks are horrible...and on midnights...UGH. I think every wife/mom should have off the mondays after daddy has worked the weekend. Our weekends that Andy works looks like Friday 7pm-7am work, 7am-11am sleep, 11-2pm wake-play-eat 2pm-6pm sleep. 6-6:30 eat-play-get ready for work. 7pm-7am work. 7am-10am sleep. 10-1 Church, eat, play. 1-6 sleep. 6-6:30 eat. 7pm-7am work...Monday morning our whole family is EXHAUSTED and daddy still needs to sleep before he can function. Daddy is exhausted from the long hours and lack of sleep. Jada is chomping at the bit to have every last bit of dad's attention. Kadence wants to play, be held, and laugh with daddy, and mommy just wants a nap,shower, and starbucks!
13. People make jokes about handcuffs and the awesomeness of being married and him carrying handcuffs.You nasty people... Have you seen the people those handcuffs have been on? NO THANKS-lol
14. I have learned to never say, "When you get off we are going to..." whether that is watch a movie, go to the store, head to a ball game, whatever it is I have just now guaranteed myself that he is on the bubble to be held over :)
15. You also get used to at home if you hear a noise. The husband gets up and searches the house with flashlight and gun...our house is well protected...I am not scared of the boogie man :)
16. Being in a small group at church is a joke. What it really means is go to a couples small group and function like a single mom. I really do feel bad for Andy sometimes and the lack of community he receives at church. It is hard to find a small group of guys to meet and study the word with when most men in the church are not on his schedule. There are no marriage classes, parenting classes, financial peace, mid week institute...all of these options for community at church and not a single one of them work for his schedule. Our church is used to Andy showing up in uniform to potlucks, special events, and even small group but he can never let his guard down. He is only a passer by usually only there long enough to graze some food, say hello, and back out the door he goes.
17. We also learned real quick that not every call gets talked about. Whereas I could go on and on about every last ounce of drama that pours out from the families I work with...Andy's calls are sometimes a little harder to hear around the table. We made a pact early on that I wanted him to share what he needed to share but I trusted him if there were things he needed to keep to himself I just needed him to process it with someone. I also told him that my only rules were if we were at a social gathering or at his moms I didn't want to be caught off guard and eveyone be talking about a "BIG STORY" and me not know anything about it. So far that has worked well for us. The only time our plan has failed us was on a girls night with one of the girl cops. We were just making conversation about how her week was and she said, "Oh, my gosh I bet you were glad that the call the other night with the knife turned out okay" I looked at her dumbfounded. She was like, you know the officer assist call? No, I didn't know...Officer assist calls are not something anyone takes lightly...they are the calls that make my husbands heart race...and HE had one? I knew nothing of the story. This was one of the stories that Andy had decided to keep to himself to not worry me and girls night told me the story anyway. My girlfriend was so sorry that she had told me, Andy was sorry he had not...we laugh about it now...and now we just don't talk about work at girls nights :)
What I have learned more than anything is that being married to a police officer is an honor. Yes we have a high divorce rate in their profession, but I would never let that deter me from marrying this man. Yes there are things that are unique to our lifestyle that most of our friends and families will never get or understand and that's okay. I am proud to call Andy my husband, my best friend, my lover, and my comic relief. His job ensures that my prayer life will never be stagnant. I can not live in fear everyday of the what ifs that his job brings. I love that little kids love his uniform and that he is their hero, I take pride that drunk women find my husband attractive, and I will always always be grateful when the garage door opens. Please don't feel sorry for us as police wives or mommies...our job is hard on days but it makes us better and stronger wives and moms. We are proud of our husbands, we think their uniform is sexy too, but to us it is so much more than a uniform. What is more sexy is their character, their love for us as their wives, their love for God as He protects them on the street, and their love and sacrifices they make daily for their family. Marry a man in uniform, it's life changing...but it seriously is a beautiful brotherhood both for the boys and for the women by their side.
I love you Andy and you are the best of the best of the best!
1. Have you ever tried leading grace with an ear piece in your ear? It goes something like "Dear heavenly father, thank you...BEEEP armed disturbance at the peanut and then his number" "En route" and just like that grace, dinner, and your 30 min e-call is over
2. Andy works midnights so after I have put Kadence to sleep, I have picked up the house, done whatever I needed to do, and head to bed I hear what sounds like a little mouse scurrying through the kitchen looking for a snack. Luckily, unlike a mouse, his duty boots are quite heavy so I always know who it is and it brings a sense of peace. I love midnight snack time, and although I pretend to be asleep it always put a smile on my face.
3. You learn to be comfortable with a gun around. I didn't grow up with a personal body guard but I must admit after the link I shared and seeing who re-posted it and seeing that all were women from my church whose husbands also are cops...makes me question how many guns are in any given church service. I used to think that was weird but now it is nothing that phases me. Even friday when I went out with the girls (one of them a cop) I was comfortable knowing that even at 54th street at any given point there was a gun in-between me and my friend so she can protect me (well and everyone else in the restaurant -lol)
4. You learn to have empathy when your husband sleeps through church. I have figured out that church is not real conducive to baby sleep schedules and/or husband that works midnights schedules. He tries so hard to come to church with us because he wants to be a spiritual leader, he knows that I value a family going to church together...so about every other week my hubby has a hard time making it through church but he does it and I think God is okay with it. I think God knows his heart, knows that Andy loves Him, and that he is being the best man he knows how to be.
5. On top of all the other scheduling "conflicts" that our life might bring about my husband also makes time to spend time with me, Kadence, go to the dog park with Jada, tutor over at the Langsford house, run PE once a week at Langsford house, mentor twice a week over at Hilltop, sit on the board of the Langsford house and Pro Deo, and then most days also give up sleep to drive our 15 passenger van full of teenagers home from our after school program. He does all of this, lacking sleep, and not complaining. He will also go out of his way to pick up co-workers, visit people in the hospital, stop by and see his brother while on duty (his brother is a fire fighter). My husbands heart is the biggest I have ever seen a man have. God showed off a little when he made Andy.
6. You also learn what dishes heat, reheat, and reheat well. When we first got married, I used to leave dinner out and try to keep it warm till he was able to stop in and have it. That was a joke. I learned very quickly that you might as well cook, clean, and put it in tupperware before he gets a chance to eat it. I don't know if it is just us but it always feels like dispatch knows as soon as andy has stepped foot in the door. I will have food in the microwave and I will hear him que up his mic. So just as quick as I heated up the meal, I am recovering and putting it back in the fridge. It doesn't even phase me anymore...it's just part of the routine.
7. I have learned to NOT listen to the police scanner. I am really good at it. I know all of the numbers, codes, and for the most part who is who...so I really can give a play by play of the whole thing the whole time Andy is at work. I even got good at multi tasking and watching tv and listening to the scanner. Over the years the scanner has taken a back burner of importance to my life. It only took one valentines day of making a surprise for andy and hearing a call come out of a car stop with an armed and dangerous man who had a gun...they call for a second...and there is just silence. I sat there praying that there was second en-route to him. The second car got there. There was still silence. My world froze and I just waited as the dispatchers asked 10-18 (are you okay-basically) and there was another long pause and in my head I am praying over and over again the words 10-19 (I'm okay-basically). I hear andy come on the air say 10-19 and one in custody and my heart finally started beating again, I went back to working on my valentines surprise and life was okay again. That was just one call, one night, and I decided I couldn't live my life in fear or attached to the scanner at all times. So the scanner has taken a back burner in our home.
8. To be a police wife (or a good one-in my opinion) you can not be a jealous woman. You have got to understand that 12 hours of his day he is going on calls with people, talking to people, doing foot patrol with people. There are many days when Andy has spent more time with his co-workers or even that pesky prisoner that all of a sudden needed to go to the hospital than me. You have got to understand that going on foot patrol with an officer is part of his job not a hot date, getting grinded on by drunk women at the local bar is annoying not appealing. Andy gets hit on by women (and men-lol) on duty. He is Hot in a uniform. I embrace it and actually am flattered that so many find him attractive...because at the end of the night (or in our case first thing in the morning) he comes home to ME. I know I have it good, and I am secure in our relationship so there is not time/space/room for jealousy. If you are going to make it as a police wife there can not be room in your relationship for those things either.
9. I love that I have girlfriends who are also police wives because it makes us understand each other when we have plans and are waiting on the boys to go out and one of us calls because one of the boys got held over. It is not the exception to the rule...it is just how girls nights go :)
10. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff, that arguing is not necessary, that kissing before he goes off to work is a necessity, and that days off need to truly be days off. That when he comes home as much as I want to vomit on him about my night, day, weekend, etc...he takes in everything that he does and doesn't vomit it all over me.
11. You get used to the phone calls of "What if I got arrested for this" "Is this illegal"or "Whats happening at blank and blank""Can you go check on". Inevitably those phone calls come during date night, family time, sleep, or my favorite at intimate moments but we have learned how to silence the phone, laugh at the calls, and ignore the incessant phone calls.
12. Three day work weeks are horrible...and on midnights...UGH. I think every wife/mom should have off the mondays after daddy has worked the weekend. Our weekends that Andy works looks like Friday 7pm-7am work, 7am-11am sleep, 11-2pm wake-play-eat 2pm-6pm sleep. 6-6:30 eat-play-get ready for work. 7pm-7am work. 7am-10am sleep. 10-1 Church, eat, play. 1-6 sleep. 6-6:30 eat. 7pm-7am work...Monday morning our whole family is EXHAUSTED and daddy still needs to sleep before he can function. Daddy is exhausted from the long hours and lack of sleep. Jada is chomping at the bit to have every last bit of dad's attention. Kadence wants to play, be held, and laugh with daddy, and mommy just wants a nap,shower, and starbucks!
13. People make jokes about handcuffs and the awesomeness of being married and him carrying handcuffs.You nasty people... Have you seen the people those handcuffs have been on? NO THANKS-lol
14. I have learned to never say, "When you get off we are going to..." whether that is watch a movie, go to the store, head to a ball game, whatever it is I have just now guaranteed myself that he is on the bubble to be held over :)
15. You also get used to at home if you hear a noise. The husband gets up and searches the house with flashlight and gun...our house is well protected...I am not scared of the boogie man :)
16. Being in a small group at church is a joke. What it really means is go to a couples small group and function like a single mom. I really do feel bad for Andy sometimes and the lack of community he receives at church. It is hard to find a small group of guys to meet and study the word with when most men in the church are not on his schedule. There are no marriage classes, parenting classes, financial peace, mid week institute...all of these options for community at church and not a single one of them work for his schedule. Our church is used to Andy showing up in uniform to potlucks, special events, and even small group but he can never let his guard down. He is only a passer by usually only there long enough to graze some food, say hello, and back out the door he goes.
17. We also learned real quick that not every call gets talked about. Whereas I could go on and on about every last ounce of drama that pours out from the families I work with...Andy's calls are sometimes a little harder to hear around the table. We made a pact early on that I wanted him to share what he needed to share but I trusted him if there were things he needed to keep to himself I just needed him to process it with someone. I also told him that my only rules were if we were at a social gathering or at his moms I didn't want to be caught off guard and eveyone be talking about a "BIG STORY" and me not know anything about it. So far that has worked well for us. The only time our plan has failed us was on a girls night with one of the girl cops. We were just making conversation about how her week was and she said, "Oh, my gosh I bet you were glad that the call the other night with the knife turned out okay" I looked at her dumbfounded. She was like, you know the officer assist call? No, I didn't know...Officer assist calls are not something anyone takes lightly...they are the calls that make my husbands heart race...and HE had one? I knew nothing of the story. This was one of the stories that Andy had decided to keep to himself to not worry me and girls night told me the story anyway. My girlfriend was so sorry that she had told me, Andy was sorry he had not...we laugh about it now...and now we just don't talk about work at girls nights :)
What I have learned more than anything is that being married to a police officer is an honor. Yes we have a high divorce rate in their profession, but I would never let that deter me from marrying this man. Yes there are things that are unique to our lifestyle that most of our friends and families will never get or understand and that's okay. I am proud to call Andy my husband, my best friend, my lover, and my comic relief. His job ensures that my prayer life will never be stagnant. I can not live in fear everyday of the what ifs that his job brings. I love that little kids love his uniform and that he is their hero, I take pride that drunk women find my husband attractive, and I will always always be grateful when the garage door opens. Please don't feel sorry for us as police wives or mommies...our job is hard on days but it makes us better and stronger wives and moms. We are proud of our husbands, we think their uniform is sexy too, but to us it is so much more than a uniform. What is more sexy is their character, their love for us as their wives, their love for God as He protects them on the street, and their love and sacrifices they make daily for their family. Marry a man in uniform, it's life changing...but it seriously is a beautiful brotherhood both for the boys and for the women by their side.
I love you Andy and you are the best of the best of the best!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
What to do when your baby is no longer a bump on a log...
Long title, I know but once you've been writing a blog for a year short and sassy is just not coming out these days.
So we in our house have officially left bump on a log stage. Let me clarify by stating that I have never felt like Kadence is just a bump but no more are the days of cuddling in front of netflix like a bum for hours on end while baby sleeps and I binge watch some non important show (don't tell my shows). Gone are the days of a sleeping baby in a car seat while you are at the grocery store, in a restaurant, or anywhere else for that matter. Gone are the days mindless chew toys and activity mats. I know that my girl has been on the move for awhile now but it truly feels like over Christmas break she has had this huge leap developmentally and she's like a real human in there. She is mocking everything we say. When I am measuring out her bottle in the morning I count the scoops out loud (on another day maybe we should talk about how I now narrate EVERYTHING I do...I would like to say this only happens when Kadence is on my hip but the people at target would tell you otherwise) and now when I say 1 she say one (or what sounds like one) and so forth till we get to 4. She can say Jada, Daddy, Mama, yuck, hey, hi, and a lot of other random words. Daddy is my favorite to hear because she says it all the time. But she also knows just when to say it. The other morning Andy was coming in the garage from work and we had just finished her morning bottle. She was in complete silence and was listening to him come in the garage, put down his bag, and come up the steps before he had said anything and before she could see him she said daddy and started crawling towards the steps.
She also likes to "find my nose", clap, and "give kisses". She has a favorite book (Nugget and Fang) and she knows where to find it and what comes next.
She has started dancing and "singing" along to songs.
She has stated feeding her self, figuring out how to pour things out and how to put them back together.
She has figured out cause and effect.
When trying to show her how a sorting game worked the other morning, she figured out that instead of her doing it...I was much faster. So each time she would take it out and give it back to me so I could do it again, and again, and again.
The other night she had some ointment on her back and Jada was intrigued by the smell so Jada was following Kadence around. Kadence thought this was the funniest thing and soon realized that Jada would "chase" her wherever she went. Kadence then started crawling quickly from the tile to the carpet and back and forth getting Jada to follow her. When Jada stopped, Kadence still kept trying to get her to follow her. When Andy and I picked up on what she was doing, Andy got down on the ground and started chasing her too and that was just as much fun and then Jada got re-interested too.
Needless to say, this brain surgeon or freaking bright child we have on our hands is constantly thinking, learning, and figuring out this world. I have always been fascinated with child growth and development, language development and other things of the sort but watching your own child go through each stage and just watching them figure out the world is one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced. I am in awe of God and how He is shaping her into a little human, who at 11 months is quite independent. I am in awe of how each day she seems to learn something new, tackle something that she hasn't done before, and I just keep thinking what happened to my baby?
So enough bragging and now for the "What to do now" stage. Here are some helpful tips for my moms out there that will get to this stage and reminders for myself:
1. Do not stay up late pinteresting or netflixing- you will need ALL of your energy and attention ready to go first thing in the AM
2. Start watching the words of you and the people around you (going back to work next week should be a treat...if I have the first 10 month old to say the f-word- I will kill a teenager...you have been warned)
3. Take baby proofing to a whole new level. It's not about gates. It's not about outlet covers...I'm talking tape over the tv buttons (so she can't turn off and on the TV). Chairs that were once chairs are now obstacle courses that you can go over and under. If you have a dog...figure out what the dog can do that the baby can't or shouldn't do. Since Kadence mocks people she also mocks Jada. So, jada can fit through the spindles on our stair case to get up stairs...Kadence...well...not so much- lol. But dang it if she didn't give it her best effort.
4. Sort through toys- sift through the bump on a log toys and toys that will actually keep her engaged. Thanks to Christmas we actually have toys that fit into that category now.
5. Sing and dance with them, get on the floor with them, mock them back...Kadence is always blown away that I know all the songs on pandora (thank God they are not hard...things like itsy bitsy spider and wheels on the bus help). She loves it when we all play in the ball pit, or when we all are cuddled up on the stuffed animals in the living room.
6. She is a sponge, she is taking it all in. Keep narrating, keep filling that head with things that you want her to take in and filtering out the things that you don't. It's so funny now because Andy and I will be watching a show on netflix and be like "Um, yeah this is trash we are turning this off...or sesame street it is" (because even the cartoons these days are awful)
7. Take time to breathe and take it all in. I think every stage I have thought this is my favorite stage and yet the journey continues and I love this stage too. I love this little human, I love that she is so clever, funny, and so full of life and joy! (I also wish that now I was on maternity leave so that I could "sleep when she sleeps" but I'll just have to settle for an early bed time)
8. This may just be a new winter thing (since this is the first winter that she's not a bump on a log and usually I am all about building up the immune system) but I am breaking out the hand sanitizer again and making these filthy animals of the rest of the world disinfect before putting their hands all over my adorable baby...germs people...germs.
9. In our house we have started doing art, fine motor things, and working on gross motor. Not like "school" by any means but I love me some good sensory activities and Kadence seems to enjoy them as well. Things that we can do together (since she is still in the let's put everything in our mouth stage)
10. I'm thinking about breaking out the moby again! Or my makeshift moby. I don't know if she will buy it but there are times when mommy needs her hands free and having her attached to my body would do us both good...well unless she screams bloody murder and then that won't really do any of us any good-lol
Parenting is so much fun and being a mom is a blast...I will take my snot covered shirts, and particles of food I find on me all day (let's be honest most are from Kadence but not all-lol), and the change of clothes I usually need after bath time because my girl loves to splash! I love this season, I love this girl and for my first time mommy's to be (there are so many of them in my life right now) I am so excited to watch you walk through this first year with your babies it is truly amazing!
p.s. what I have learned is that I should not blog after having several doses of caffeine today...sorry not sorry (can I even use that phrase at almost 30?)
So we in our house have officially left bump on a log stage. Let me clarify by stating that I have never felt like Kadence is just a bump but no more are the days of cuddling in front of netflix like a bum for hours on end while baby sleeps and I binge watch some non important show (don't tell my shows). Gone are the days of a sleeping baby in a car seat while you are at the grocery store, in a restaurant, or anywhere else for that matter. Gone are the days mindless chew toys and activity mats. I know that my girl has been on the move for awhile now but it truly feels like over Christmas break she has had this huge leap developmentally and she's like a real human in there. She is mocking everything we say. When I am measuring out her bottle in the morning I count the scoops out loud (on another day maybe we should talk about how I now narrate EVERYTHING I do...I would like to say this only happens when Kadence is on my hip but the people at target would tell you otherwise) and now when I say 1 she say one (or what sounds like one) and so forth till we get to 4. She can say Jada, Daddy, Mama, yuck, hey, hi, and a lot of other random words. Daddy is my favorite to hear because she says it all the time. But she also knows just when to say it. The other morning Andy was coming in the garage from work and we had just finished her morning bottle. She was in complete silence and was listening to him come in the garage, put down his bag, and come up the steps before he had said anything and before she could see him she said daddy and started crawling towards the steps.
She also likes to "find my nose", clap, and "give kisses". She has a favorite book (Nugget and Fang) and she knows where to find it and what comes next.
She has started dancing and "singing" along to songs.
She has stated feeding her self, figuring out how to pour things out and how to put them back together.
She has figured out cause and effect.
When trying to show her how a sorting game worked the other morning, she figured out that instead of her doing it...I was much faster. So each time she would take it out and give it back to me so I could do it again, and again, and again.
The other night she had some ointment on her back and Jada was intrigued by the smell so Jada was following Kadence around. Kadence thought this was the funniest thing and soon realized that Jada would "chase" her wherever she went. Kadence then started crawling quickly from the tile to the carpet and back and forth getting Jada to follow her. When Jada stopped, Kadence still kept trying to get her to follow her. When Andy and I picked up on what she was doing, Andy got down on the ground and started chasing her too and that was just as much fun and then Jada got re-interested too.
Needless to say, this brain surgeon or freaking bright child we have on our hands is constantly thinking, learning, and figuring out this world. I have always been fascinated with child growth and development, language development and other things of the sort but watching your own child go through each stage and just watching them figure out the world is one of the most fascinating things I have ever experienced. I am in awe of God and how He is shaping her into a little human, who at 11 months is quite independent. I am in awe of how each day she seems to learn something new, tackle something that she hasn't done before, and I just keep thinking what happened to my baby?
So enough bragging and now for the "What to do now" stage. Here are some helpful tips for my moms out there that will get to this stage and reminders for myself:
1. Do not stay up late pinteresting or netflixing- you will need ALL of your energy and attention ready to go first thing in the AM
2. Start watching the words of you and the people around you (going back to work next week should be a treat...if I have the first 10 month old to say the f-word- I will kill a teenager...you have been warned)
3. Take baby proofing to a whole new level. It's not about gates. It's not about outlet covers...I'm talking tape over the tv buttons (so she can't turn off and on the TV). Chairs that were once chairs are now obstacle courses that you can go over and under. If you have a dog...figure out what the dog can do that the baby can't or shouldn't do. Since Kadence mocks people she also mocks Jada. So, jada can fit through the spindles on our stair case to get up stairs...Kadence...well...not so much- lol. But dang it if she didn't give it her best effort.
4. Sort through toys- sift through the bump on a log toys and toys that will actually keep her engaged. Thanks to Christmas we actually have toys that fit into that category now.
5. Sing and dance with them, get on the floor with them, mock them back...Kadence is always blown away that I know all the songs on pandora (thank God they are not hard...things like itsy bitsy spider and wheels on the bus help). She loves it when we all play in the ball pit, or when we all are cuddled up on the stuffed animals in the living room.
6. She is a sponge, she is taking it all in. Keep narrating, keep filling that head with things that you want her to take in and filtering out the things that you don't. It's so funny now because Andy and I will be watching a show on netflix and be like "Um, yeah this is trash we are turning this off...or sesame street it is" (because even the cartoons these days are awful)
7. Take time to breathe and take it all in. I think every stage I have thought this is my favorite stage and yet the journey continues and I love this stage too. I love this little human, I love that she is so clever, funny, and so full of life and joy! (I also wish that now I was on maternity leave so that I could "sleep when she sleeps" but I'll just have to settle for an early bed time)
8. This may just be a new winter thing (since this is the first winter that she's not a bump on a log and usually I am all about building up the immune system) but I am breaking out the hand sanitizer again and making these filthy animals of the rest of the world disinfect before putting their hands all over my adorable baby...germs people...germs.
9. In our house we have started doing art, fine motor things, and working on gross motor. Not like "school" by any means but I love me some good sensory activities and Kadence seems to enjoy them as well. Things that we can do together (since she is still in the let's put everything in our mouth stage)
10. I'm thinking about breaking out the moby again! Or my makeshift moby. I don't know if she will buy it but there are times when mommy needs her hands free and having her attached to my body would do us both good...well unless she screams bloody murder and then that won't really do any of us any good-lol
Parenting is so much fun and being a mom is a blast...I will take my snot covered shirts, and particles of food I find on me all day (let's be honest most are from Kadence but not all-lol), and the change of clothes I usually need after bath time because my girl loves to splash! I love this season, I love this girl and for my first time mommy's to be (there are so many of them in my life right now) I am so excited to watch you walk through this first year with your babies it is truly amazing!
p.s. what I have learned is that I should not blog after having several doses of caffeine today...sorry not sorry (can I even use that phrase at almost 30?)
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